I have always been amazed how so many of our kids areas of life are effected by RAD. Personal hygiene is one that is so apparent to everyone. It is easy to become very upset over this one because we can be worried about how others perceive as parents. Our children go out with uncombed hair, without brushing their teeth, with no deodorant and smelly and stained clothing at every opportunity. I think there are so many different factors involved here.
Self-worth: What difference does it make how you look if you see yourself as being of little value or worth?
Playing offense: It keeps people away. They don't have to be as afraid of physical or emotional closeness if they can keep people at a distance. This may also involve passing gas (which can be a whole post in itself), belching loudly, annoying behavior, and the fact that they cannot read social cues and have no cause and effect thinking. Very complicated stuff.
Mother rejection: Not just me as an individual but ALL mothers are dangerous and not to be trusted. Therefore any clothing we buy them MUST be too big, too little, too geeky, too scratchy, just too......
because mother's do not know how to take care of them. The only person they can trust is them self. How very frightened they must be.
So I am on a mission to make sure my child only has nice clothes because I am stubborn and like ramming my head against the wall. I have been sneaking icky clothes into the trash. The problem is I have no doubt the new clothes will become covered in marker, ripped, have pens broken on them. There could be a lot of reasons for this too. Sometimes it is a case of just being so distracted by life that they fidget and play with things until they've made a mess instead of focusing on what is going on in class. Sometimes it is a way of messing up the clothes so that they are once again "forced" to wear old ratty clothes by this mom who "does not know how to care of her children." And you can be sure you will hear "Can you go get me a new shirt? This one has ink on it." Of course I do not, but say no very nicely and inform him I will be happy to buy more summer clothes next spring!
It is hard to keep up and sometimes I don't. Remember these are all symptoms of RAD and not the main issue. Treating personal hygiene is kind of like taking medication when we have the flu. It may make us more comfortable but doesn't make the flu go away. The real issue is that our child does not feel safe around love. THAT is what we need to focus on.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Hee Hee Hee Haw Haw
The song below has gone through my mind several times over the last few days! Poor Eagle received noticed 2 days before she moved in that her "fully furnished apartment" would not have a bed. She is currently sleeping on the couch while she searches for one. She has been given a queen size bed frame! : )
Our car guy had a car all picked out for me, a maroon '08 Pontiac g6. I was so excited. I looked at them online so I could see what it would look like. I called with great anticipation to see if I could come and get it last night to hear his sad voice say "I didn't get it." He drove 3 hours to pick it up. When he and the dealer walked out to the car it had been hit by another car. Neither of the two were happy. I was really disappointed but...
told Taz today that we needed to look at it as God's protection. That was not the car for me so we should be thankful it did not work out.
Today my car guy calls to say he is leaving this week to pick up some cars. He will be picking up a red '07 Pontiac g6 for me. It is a year older but has even less miles than the first. I'm trying to just be nonchalant about the whole thing until I have those keys in my hand. Since so many of you have prayed with me about this I will assume this is the one God has in mind! So THANKS!
Just for fun check out the video below!! Play it over on a bad day and it might just make you smile in spite of it all!
Our car guy had a car all picked out for me, a maroon '08 Pontiac g6. I was so excited. I looked at them online so I could see what it would look like. I called with great anticipation to see if I could come and get it last night to hear his sad voice say "I didn't get it." He drove 3 hours to pick it up. When he and the dealer walked out to the car it had been hit by another car. Neither of the two were happy. I was really disappointed but...
told Taz today that we needed to look at it as God's protection. That was not the car for me so we should be thankful it did not work out.
Today my car guy calls to say he is leaving this week to pick up some cars. He will be picking up a red '07 Pontiac g6 for me. It is a year older but has even less miles than the first. I'm trying to just be nonchalant about the whole thing until I have those keys in my hand. Since so many of you have prayed with me about this I will assume this is the one God has in mind! So THANKS!
Just for fun check out the video below!! Play it over on a bad day and it might just make you smile in spite of it all!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Daily Stresses & RAD
One of the difficult things about RAD is that we still have to deal with all the other "stuff" too. It would be nice if the other stuff gave us a break since we already dealing with a lot but life doesn't work that way.
Our oldest has just left the nest to live on her own in another city. In a two day period of time she got a speeding ticket for driving 34 in an unmarked school zone. She told the officer she had only lived there 2 weeks and had no idea and she replied "Its your job to find out". The next day her car broke down and the engine is DEAD. Her boss picked her up on the highway and told her he was not going to be able to pay her what he had said. WHAT? And why pick that moment to break the news? How bizarre.
College tuitions are due, property tax is due, school fees are flying in the window like mosquitoes. In the midst of this Bear has decided ALL the new clothes I bought him for school are geeky and he will only wear the old ones. So one by one his old clothes are quietly leaping into the trash the night before it goes out. Strange phenomenon he has not yet noticed.
Oh and lest you are worried for our poor Eagle we are driving there to give her my car this weekend and we will look for a different one for me. Life goes on RAD or no RAD.
Our oldest has just left the nest to live on her own in another city. In a two day period of time she got a speeding ticket for driving 34 in an unmarked school zone. She told the officer she had only lived there 2 weeks and had no idea and she replied "Its your job to find out". The next day her car broke down and the engine is DEAD. Her boss picked her up on the highway and told her he was not going to be able to pay her what he had said. WHAT? And why pick that moment to break the news? How bizarre.
College tuitions are due, property tax is due, school fees are flying in the window like mosquitoes. In the midst of this Bear has decided ALL the new clothes I bought him for school are geeky and he will only wear the old ones. So one by one his old clothes are quietly leaping into the trash the night before it goes out. Strange phenomenon he has not yet noticed.
Oh and lest you are worried for our poor Eagle we are driving there to give her my car this weekend and we will look for a different one for me. Life goes on RAD or no RAD.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Think outside the box
The answers to the puzzle are above. They involve thinking outside the box. When we parent our kids with RAD we have to look at one lies under the behaviors. It is often fear, anxiety, or sadness. If we have to discipline it cannot be in the same way the "average" child (whatever that is) is disciplined. This is difficult for some people to understand. Really understanding what Reactive Attachment Disorder is helps. We have to realize that their brains are changed by the trauma from their past. Take the time to read everything you can about RAD and what the early break in attachment has done to them. The abuse and/or neglect only add to this. Look through the websites/books/articles I've mentioned to the right and in the labels. Educate yourself so that you can really understand where your child is coming from. If all you see is defiance and anger when you look at him/her learn more.THEN you can start thinking outside the box in the ways in which you react to your child. It is worth the effort when you begin to witness them healing. It is worth the effort when you see yourself reacting differently because you understand what is going on!
A Puzzle for you
Can you connect the 9 dots above using only 4 straight lines, all connected and not retracing any steps? If you know the answer don't share just yet. There are actually 2 ways to do this puzzle. There really is a madness to my method so please humor me.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
A New Day
When I get up in the morning I think "Well today is a chance to do this parenting thing right." Today is one of those days where I think I blew it before the coffee was made.
I often wonder what is the difference. One day I can be so patient, giving loving answers, staying calm through the bomb shells bursting around me. The next day I fall apart over a look. I'm not sure really, what it is that makes the difference.
I only know that I can ask forgiveness from my God. I can teach my child about forgiveness by asking it of him. I can model for him that we all need it. We need to be strong, and humble enough to ask for it.
So I begin again.
I often wonder what is the difference. One day I can be so patient, giving loving answers, staying calm through the bomb shells bursting around me. The next day I fall apart over a look. I'm not sure really, what it is that makes the difference.
I only know that I can ask forgiveness from my God. I can teach my child about forgiveness by asking it of him. I can model for him that we all need it. We need to be strong, and humble enough to ask for it.
So I begin again.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
After the Rage
After a child is done raging is a great time to work on attachment. They are generally emotionally exhausted and calm. It is a good time to rub their backs if they have gone to lay down somewhere. If they will allow it pull them onto your lap and have a Snuggle Time (see labels at right) It is a time for reassurance:
"You sure had a lot of anger (fear, sadness) today".
"You will learn to use your words as you being to heal"
"I am never going to leave you."
"I'm so glad I am your mom."
You get the idea. Love them when they have been most unlovable.
"You sure had a lot of anger (fear, sadness) today".
"You will learn to use your words as you being to heal"
"I am never going to leave you."
"I'm so glad I am your mom."
You get the idea. Love them when they have been most unlovable.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
The Power of Love
The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He wil quiet you with his love.
Zephaniah 3:17
Zephaniah 3:17
Friday, August 21, 2009
Mid Rage
Last time I talked about what we do before a rage. Next time I'll talk about after but this time I wanted to talking about during the rage. For several years holding was a popular method of dealing with rage. It has become very controversial and for legal reasons is no longer recommended. I do thing holding your child close and comforting them when they are very upset is helpful but when they are in a full screaming, yelling, kicking, fists swinging rage we do not do this.
We do many different things because the same thing doesn't work for long with kids with RAD.
Humor:
When there is wall kicking or such going on start counting the kicks loudly but calmly. Taz would always stop and say "What are you doing?" I'd say "Dad and I both picked a number as to how many times you would kick or hit the wall today and whoever is closest gets a latte." He'd say "Well I'll make sure neither of you get it." and stop. Make sure he sees you going out for a latte later.
Hold up a piece of paper rating the rage. Tell him he gets 3 points for loudness, 2 for his kicking and only 1 for originality.
Distraction:
In the middle of the rage I'd calmly say "Could you go set the table for me?" and he'd stop and say "Ok". "Or did you see that cardinal in the yard?" "Where" Use the ADHD to your advantage.
Ignore:
Everyone leave the room and say "This is boring."
Then go in the other room and make sure it sounds like you are REALLY having fun.
Comfort:
"You are safe." "I'm not going to leave you." "I will love you no matter what." " Thank you for letting all your anger out."
There are no easy answers and prevention works best. As your child heals the rages will become fewer and further between. Taz rarely has rages any more and they are not impressive when he does. Bear has never been a rager in the traditional sort but still has periods of yelling and screaming. He has not really even begun to heal. He is a complicated case.
More than one diagnosis:
If your child is having these rages make sure you see a psychiatrist familiar with RAD. There can be reasons besides RAD and a professional needs to know the details and see the child. There are not really meds for RAD but there are medications for many other mental disorders that may help. I cannot tell you the difference since Taz has gone on meds for a closed traumatic brain injury that had gone undiagnosed for 14 years.
Never, never, never quit
We do many different things because the same thing doesn't work for long with kids with RAD.
Humor:
When there is wall kicking or such going on start counting the kicks loudly but calmly. Taz would always stop and say "What are you doing?" I'd say "Dad and I both picked a number as to how many times you would kick or hit the wall today and whoever is closest gets a latte." He'd say "Well I'll make sure neither of you get it." and stop. Make sure he sees you going out for a latte later.
Hold up a piece of paper rating the rage. Tell him he gets 3 points for loudness, 2 for his kicking and only 1 for originality.
Distraction:
In the middle of the rage I'd calmly say "Could you go set the table for me?" and he'd stop and say "Ok". "Or did you see that cardinal in the yard?" "Where" Use the ADHD to your advantage.
Ignore:
Everyone leave the room and say "This is boring."
Then go in the other room and make sure it sounds like you are REALLY having fun.
Comfort:
"You are safe." "I'm not going to leave you." "I will love you no matter what." " Thank you for letting all your anger out."
There are no easy answers and prevention works best. As your child heals the rages will become fewer and further between. Taz rarely has rages any more and they are not impressive when he does. Bear has never been a rager in the traditional sort but still has periods of yelling and screaming. He has not really even begun to heal. He is a complicated case.
More than one diagnosis:
If your child is having these rages make sure you see a psychiatrist familiar with RAD. There can be reasons besides RAD and a professional needs to know the details and see the child. There are not really meds for RAD but there are medications for many other mental disorders that may help. I cannot tell you the difference since Taz has gone on meds for a closed traumatic brain injury that had gone undiagnosed for 14 years.
Never, never, never quit
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Rages
Can you hear that? Me neither. Snicker. Snicker. My kids all just went out the door for the first full day of school. I'm sitting here with Mozart, a cup of coffee and the computer. I am going to go work out in a few minutes ALONE. I am going up to my first class early so I can sit at Panera and do some reading for class as well as reading some articles on attachment that I haven't wanted to get too. Dr. Bruce Perry and Dr. Arther Becker-Weidman both have some great articles at the websites.
Anyway, rages is a tough subject. I am guessing it isn't addressed often because there really is not one simple answer to them. You have to try a variety of things and what works to stop the rages one time may not work the next. Here are some of the things we have used in no particular order.
Triggers: Start watching for what triggers the rages. Watch their facial expressions and body language closely to look for changes right before the rage begins. The best way to handle a rage is to learn to prevent it in the first place. When you learn the body language and the circumstances that trigger the rages practice using some language. First you must be very calm and speak softly. Here are some of the things I would say:
"I know sometimes when I leave you have a rage about it. If you need to go ahead and get it over with. I am here for you."
"I see you are getting angry. Go ahead and yell and throw yourself on the floor if you need too."
"You are getting ready to yell. Can you tell me what you are feeling using your words?"
"You are getting angry. Calm yourself. You are safe." Ahead of time practice ways of doing this whether it be jumping on a trampoline, thinking of a safe place they have come up with, or remembering they are safe now.
Learning to self regulate is important for all of us. It is very difficult for them. Talk about learning to calm their emotions/feelings at a time when they are not upset and come up with some good ways of doing this whether it be talking about their feelings (difficult at first for them) physical activity, an art. Even though isolation helps many of us, it is not necessarily the healthiest for them since we are trying to get them to attach. We don't want them to think getting away from us is the only way of calming themselves. Later when attachment begins then it is OK to add that back in.
Time in: Sometimes when they just can't regulate themselves I find having them stay near me is the best. They have to follow me around and sit near me all day. They may complain a lot but they actually enjoy it and do feel comforted by it. Don't make it a time of cold punishment but a time of closeness. Much as you would do if a toddler were near by. Checking in, smiling warmly, giving gentle touch.
Do NOT: For a rage, yelling, getting physical or demanding compliance NEVER work. Don't bother.
This is turning out long. I'll continue tomorrow.
Anyway, rages is a tough subject. I am guessing it isn't addressed often because there really is not one simple answer to them. You have to try a variety of things and what works to stop the rages one time may not work the next. Here are some of the things we have used in no particular order.
Triggers: Start watching for what triggers the rages. Watch their facial expressions and body language closely to look for changes right before the rage begins. The best way to handle a rage is to learn to prevent it in the first place. When you learn the body language and the circumstances that trigger the rages practice using some language. First you must be very calm and speak softly. Here are some of the things I would say:
"I know sometimes when I leave you have a rage about it. If you need to go ahead and get it over with. I am here for you."
"I see you are getting angry. Go ahead and yell and throw yourself on the floor if you need too."
"You are getting ready to yell. Can you tell me what you are feeling using your words?"
"You are getting angry. Calm yourself. You are safe." Ahead of time practice ways of doing this whether it be jumping on a trampoline, thinking of a safe place they have come up with, or remembering they are safe now.
Learning to self regulate is important for all of us. It is very difficult for them. Talk about learning to calm their emotions/feelings at a time when they are not upset and come up with some good ways of doing this whether it be talking about their feelings (difficult at first for them) physical activity, an art. Even though isolation helps many of us, it is not necessarily the healthiest for them since we are trying to get them to attach. We don't want them to think getting away from us is the only way of calming themselves. Later when attachment begins then it is OK to add that back in.
Time in: Sometimes when they just can't regulate themselves I find having them stay near me is the best. They have to follow me around and sit near me all day. They may complain a lot but they actually enjoy it and do feel comforted by it. Don't make it a time of cold punishment but a time of closeness. Much as you would do if a toddler were near by. Checking in, smiling warmly, giving gentle touch.
Do NOT: For a rage, yelling, getting physical or demanding compliance NEVER work. Don't bother.
This is turning out long. I'll continue tomorrow.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Food Issues
Some of you have some very serious issues going on right now. My heart goes out to you. I will address them in the order in which they were received.
Food issues can become an emotional issue for us. That is dangerous as it is already and emotional issue for our kids.
Here are some sites that cover the issue. You may also click on labels at the right that address food.
Bruce Perry Bonding and Attachment in Maltreated Children: How you can help
Rainbow Kids There are several articles about food issues. Click on the titles that interest you.
If you know of any other websites please feel free to share them.
Thanks!
Food issues can become an emotional issue for us. That is dangerous as it is already and emotional issue for our kids.
Here are some sites that cover the issue. You may also click on labels at the right that address food.
Bruce Perry Bonding and Attachment in Maltreated Children: How you can help
Rainbow Kids There are several articles about food issues. Click on the titles that interest you.
If you know of any other websites please feel free to share them.
Thanks!
Monday, August 17, 2009
The "How Dare you leave" MAD RAD!
I just got back today from being out of town since Friday. I took Taz and we took Dancer back to college. Bear is madder than a hornet and has been in a rage most of the 3 hours since I have been back. At one point he said "YOU ARE NEVER HERE FOR ME. YOU NEVER BELIEVE IN ME AND IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT I AM SO MAD."
In the beginning this type of thing hurt my feelings, now I run it through the translator. Pretend you have one of those voice changing machines they use at Halloween. Translated it means "Please tell me you still are here for me. Please tell me you believe in me. Let me know it is OK." Now I do believe the first step is regulating my own emotions. Once I am calm the next step is regulating his. I believe he is about at that point. I will go and tell him the words his heart needs to hear. He, or course, has lost privileges for today.
Kids with RAD don't get consequences but he needs to have them just the same. Life gives them out. It is only fair to the other kids. Presentation of this is key. "Bear I see you are hurting because I was gone. I always come back because I love you. You have shown me you need some time at home near me by yelling your fear today. So I'm going to keep you close for at least today." He will protest. He will say it is not fair. I will just respond. "Everything is OK Bear." and leave it at that.
By the way, my daughter is beginning her Junior year of school. She is doing so well. We are very proud of her and her accomplishments.
In the beginning this type of thing hurt my feelings, now I run it through the translator. Pretend you have one of those voice changing machines they use at Halloween. Translated it means "Please tell me you still are here for me. Please tell me you believe in me. Let me know it is OK." Now I do believe the first step is regulating my own emotions. Once I am calm the next step is regulating his. I believe he is about at that point. I will go and tell him the words his heart needs to hear. He, or course, has lost privileges for today.
Kids with RAD don't get consequences but he needs to have them just the same. Life gives them out. It is only fair to the other kids. Presentation of this is key. "Bear I see you are hurting because I was gone. I always come back because I love you. You have shown me you need some time at home near me by yelling your fear today. So I'm going to keep you close for at least today." He will protest. He will say it is not fair. I will just respond. "Everything is OK Bear." and leave it at that.
By the way, my daughter is beginning her Junior year of school. She is doing so well. We are very proud of her and her accomplishments.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Forever Strong
We just watched the DVD Forever Strong. It was a great family movie. I wouldn't recommend it for young children because of a violent car accident and it deals with drinking and such. For kids in upper elementary and up it has a great message. It is all about family, honesty, teamwork and honor.
Taz and I are heading out of town this afternoon to take Dancer back to college. I'll talk to you all Monday. I plan on some great bonding time with two of my kids!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
RADs effect on siblings
We have worked so hard on trying to be good parents to all 5 of our kids. I'm sure each of you do the same for yours. When our little ones first came I took the girls out alone after the little boys were in bed for some "girl time". I'd sometimes let them vent about their frustrations of suddenly having 3 little brothers. Sometimes we'd just go do something and not talk about it at all. As the years have gone by our girls have had to put up with a lot.
There were times when the boys demanded all of our time and strength. There were times when I had no emotional strength left to give our girls. They have put up with listening to 2 of the boys verbally and emotional abuse their mom, destroy many things in the home and embarrass them in front of friends. They have not had people over because they didn't want them to hear the boy's raging. They themselves have been personally attacked through stealing, being yelled at or lied too.
There have been so many times I've wondered if I damaged our girls and let them down.
So tonight I asked. Dancer and in her kind and gracious way she replied that "no, mom...it has been good." They have learned the world is bigger than themselves, that the monetary things don't make them happy, and that they can make a difference. She is going to be a jr in college and is looking for a job working with kids. She wants to help people.
I'm so blessed.
There were times when the boys demanded all of our time and strength. There were times when I had no emotional strength left to give our girls. They have put up with listening to 2 of the boys verbally and emotional abuse their mom, destroy many things in the home and embarrass them in front of friends. They have not had people over because they didn't want them to hear the boy's raging. They themselves have been personally attacked through stealing, being yelled at or lied too.
There have been so many times I've wondered if I damaged our girls and let them down.
So tonight I asked. Dancer and in her kind and gracious way she replied that "no, mom...it has been good." They have learned the world is bigger than themselves, that the monetary things don't make them happy, and that they can make a difference. She is going to be a jr in college and is looking for a job working with kids. She wants to help people.
I'm so blessed.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Holding onto Hope
There are a couple of websites with great stories of hope. I want to share them and then share once again our story about Taz.
Click on these websites if you ever need some inspiration for parenting a child with RAD!
Center for Family Development
Families by Design (Nancy Thomas)~Look at the column on the left. About half way down begin articles of hope.
"I thought I'd share what recovery has looked like for youngest. Life is so much better for him and with him. This is a child who was so angry we wondered how much longer he would be safe with us. He ripped apart every piece of furniture in his room. Tore up his blinds. Pulled off wood work. Tore holes in walls. He was suspended 5 times last year for fighting at school. He was getting D's and F's on his grade card. He was in my face, calling me names, degrading and attempting to humiliate me many times a day.
So what happened? The combination of attachment therapy and EMDR therapy were nothing short of miraculous with him. He apparently had not separated me from his birth mom in his mind at all. One day in EMDR therapy she was talking about what his life was like as a baby. This was not new. Suddenly on this day my son started talking about all the good things we had done today and ways I had taken care of him when he was younger. He looked at me startled. His features softened and you could see realization on his face. Life has not been the same. His grades are up. He is a happier and much more successful person. He has a great relationship with me which I enjoy very much.
As for the tunes ups. Stress from school or home will set him back somewhat. He will become more emotional, a little more angry, and disrespectful and I know it is time for him to see the Attachment Therapist again. The reason I am sharing this story is to offer hope. For you mom's out there struggling every day, take care of yourselves. You are smart enough, strong enough and very capable of handling the situation. Get professional help involved, seek out the support of strong friends and do something each day to refresh yourself."
I copied and pasted the above from an old post about Taz. To update you even further he is now on a medication that is helping tremendously. It has nothing to do with RAD however. Once he began to show signs of trusting and loving me it was clear something was still wrong. He has such physical clumsiness and super ADHD even though on a large dose of Concerta. It is out of control without the Concerta so don't bother suggesting he go off. He is taking medication that is used for people who have had a closed traumatic brain injury and it is effective. This is not known but he had the symptoms and so his doctor decided to give it a try.
Never, never, never quit.
Click on these websites if you ever need some inspiration for parenting a child with RAD!
Center for Family Development
Families by Design (Nancy Thomas)~Look at the column on the left. About half way down begin articles of hope.
"I thought I'd share what recovery has looked like for youngest. Life is so much better for him and with him. This is a child who was so angry we wondered how much longer he would be safe with us. He ripped apart every piece of furniture in his room. Tore up his blinds. Pulled off wood work. Tore holes in walls. He was suspended 5 times last year for fighting at school. He was getting D's and F's on his grade card. He was in my face, calling me names, degrading and attempting to humiliate me many times a day.
So what happened? The combination of attachment therapy and EMDR therapy were nothing short of miraculous with him. He apparently had not separated me from his birth mom in his mind at all. One day in EMDR therapy she was talking about what his life was like as a baby. This was not new. Suddenly on this day my son started talking about all the good things we had done today and ways I had taken care of him when he was younger. He looked at me startled. His features softened and you could see realization on his face. Life has not been the same. His grades are up. He is a happier and much more successful person. He has a great relationship with me which I enjoy very much.
As for the tunes ups. Stress from school or home will set him back somewhat. He will become more emotional, a little more angry, and disrespectful and I know it is time for him to see the Attachment Therapist again. The reason I am sharing this story is to offer hope. For you mom's out there struggling every day, take care of yourselves. You are smart enough, strong enough and very capable of handling the situation. Get professional help involved, seek out the support of strong friends and do something each day to refresh yourself."
I copied and pasted the above from an old post about Taz. To update you even further he is now on a medication that is helping tremendously. It has nothing to do with RAD however. Once he began to show signs of trusting and loving me it was clear something was still wrong. He has such physical clumsiness and super ADHD even though on a large dose of Concerta. It is out of control without the Concerta so don't bother suggesting he go off. He is taking medication that is used for people who have had a closed traumatic brain injury and it is effective. This is not known but he had the symptoms and so his doctor decided to give it a try.
Never, never, never quit.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Beautiful RV Park in TX! What a vacation spot!
My friend Christine over at Welcome to My Brain just bought an RV park in TX with her husband. What an adventure. If any of you need a fall get away in the south this would make a great trip. Christine and her hubby are an adoptive family who have dealt with RAD and a variety of other health/mental health issues! You can get free, experienced advice while you are there!!So drive on down to the Hill Shade RV Park just west of Gonzales, TX.
Sad RAD
Our oldest moved out yesterday. It was a positive move though. She got her first job as an office manager in a town about 3 1/2 hours from here. She is staying with relatives at first while she looks for a place.
Fish is very sad she has gone. They became very close over the summer and did a lot of things together.
Taz came out and hugged her goodbye and helped carry her things to the car.
Bear did not acknowledge it in any way. He really has some anger issues toward women and she is one. (She's 24). I don't think he really cares one way or the other. It is just one less person to bother him. How sad for him. How very sad to see.
Fish is very sad she has gone. They became very close over the summer and did a lot of things together.
Taz came out and hugged her goodbye and helped carry her things to the car.
Bear did not acknowledge it in any way. He really has some anger issues toward women and she is one. (She's 24). I don't think he really cares one way or the other. It is just one less person to bother him. How sad for him. How very sad to see.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Hurray for our Kids
Eagle: Just landed her first full time job as an office manager for a small company in another town. She leaves tomorrow and starts Monday. She'll be staying with relatives while she looks for a place to live.
Dancer: Finished camp yesterday and will be home on Monday for a week before going back to college.
Fish: Is enjoying some leisurely time after swimming/missions trip and his summer business.
Bear: Has decided he wants to join the army. I took him to a recruiter the other day and we chatted. He needs to work on his algebra to pass the entrance exam. We will see. I hope it works for him.
Taz: Has started a new medication that seems to be helping. That is a whole post in itself!
Have a glorious weekend. We are taking Eagle out for dinner and a movie. We bought her the traditional housewarming plant and found a pot with the name of our town on it!! It was from our towns bicentennial.
Dancer: Finished camp yesterday and will be home on Monday for a week before going back to college.
Fish: Is enjoying some leisurely time after swimming/missions trip and his summer business.
Bear: Has decided he wants to join the army. I took him to a recruiter the other day and we chatted. He needs to work on his algebra to pass the entrance exam. We will see. I hope it works for him.
Taz: Has started a new medication that seems to be helping. That is a whole post in itself!
Have a glorious weekend. We are taking Eagle out for dinner and a movie. We bought her the traditional housewarming plant and found a pot with the name of our town on it!! It was from our towns bicentennial.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Letters to Teachers
As I said yesterday, when my kids were younger I would often prepare a letter for the teacher. The vast majority of people have not heard of Reactive Attachment Disorder. Some will be skeptical. At one time I even had therapists who did not believe in such a diagnosis. Didn't have them for long. If you think a letter to the teacher would benefit your child I'm going to put some of the websites here. I generally find writing a fairly short concise letter best and combining some of the letters into one might work for you. Just remember not to send them pages of information as this already a very busy time of year for them.
Nancy Thomas
The Attachment Disorder Site
Center for Family Development
Here are some websites on dealing with school issues
Dr. Bruce Perry on the Scholastics Website
Bonding and Attachment in Maltreated Children:How you can help`Dr. Bruce Perry
Principles of Working with Traumatized Children`Dr. Bruce Perry
Special Topics Informing Work with Maltreated Children`Dr. Bruce Perry
From Attachment Disorder Maryland:
Oil and Water: The Attachment Disordered Child in School
Behaviors Commonly Displayed by AD Children in School
Characteristics of School that are Problematic for the Attachment Disordered Child
Intervention for School
Enemy Within~ Linda Ann Smith
S.A.F.E.~ CASE
Homework by Nancy Thomas
Navigating Uncharted Waters by Boris Gindis
Education and the Child of Trauma by Bryan Post
International Adoptees and School by Boris Gindis
Nancy Thomas
The Attachment Disorder Site
Center for Family Development
Here are some websites on dealing with school issues
Dr. Bruce Perry on the Scholastics Website
Bonding and Attachment in Maltreated Children:How you can help`Dr. Bruce Perry
Principles of Working with Traumatized Children`Dr. Bruce Perry
Special Topics Informing Work with Maltreated Children`Dr. Bruce Perry
From Attachment Disorder Maryland:
Oil and Water: The Attachment Disordered Child in School
Behaviors Commonly Displayed by AD Children in School
Characteristics of School that are Problematic for the Attachment Disordered Child
Intervention for School
Enemy Within~ Linda Ann Smith
S.A.F.E.~ CASE
Homework by Nancy Thomas
Navigating Uncharted Waters by Boris Gindis
Education and the Child of Trauma by Bryan Post
International Adoptees and School by Boris Gindis
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Back to School
School here starts on August 18th. I have to say that I am counting down the hours and have a FUN day planned for myself on the first full day, the 19th.
In the mean time we bought school shoes and some new shorts for the boys today. I am beginning the process of putting the boys teacher's emails into my contacts. I then put it under the child's name and so can send out and email to all their teachers if they are on a new med and need watched, have to miss for an appointment or if I have a general concern. We will go to the school tomorrow and walk through the order of classes and find the lockers. We have appointments for a couple of weeks after school starts for med checks.
When the boys were in grade school I would use one of the letters to teachers available on several sites. Tomorrow when I have more time I will locate several of those and post them for you.
Tonight our oldest and I are going to a late movie together. She has her first full time job in the area of business in another town. She begins the job on Monday. So we are going out to get some time together!
In the mean time we bought school shoes and some new shorts for the boys today. I am beginning the process of putting the boys teacher's emails into my contacts. I then put it under the child's name and so can send out and email to all their teachers if they are on a new med and need watched, have to miss for an appointment or if I have a general concern. We will go to the school tomorrow and walk through the order of classes and find the lockers. We have appointments for a couple of weeks after school starts for med checks.
When the boys were in grade school I would use one of the letters to teachers available on several sites. Tomorrow when I have more time I will locate several of those and post them for you.
Tonight our oldest and I are going to a late movie together. She has her first full time job in the area of business in another town. She begins the job on Monday. So we are going out to get some time together!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Indoor Oasis
At the beginning of the summer I made a little outdoor oasis for myself to enjoy in the mornings with my coffee.
As the summer has grown hotter and the Nebraska mosquitoes larger I looked for an indoor retreat. I decided there was room for a chair if I snuggled it into the corner of our bedroom. I looked at on Craig's List and found a chair I loved for $75. If you have not used Craig's List I heartily recommend it. My daughter also found her first full time job on their site. www.craigslist.com Anyway, my indoor oasis is complete and I love my little hideaway. I go in there in the evening when my husband is home and shut the door, turn on the ceiling fan and lose myself in a book. Heavenly!!
Monday, August 3, 2009
Slowing Down
I have been out of school for 2 weeks. I am having trouble slowing down. I have gone back to Weight Watchers to take care of the 15 lb I gained during grad school in the last year and a half. I am a repeat offender and have gone back several times. I usually am mad at myself or feel guilty for some dumb reason. I told them this time I didn't feel bad because I know it is a change in life style. I am doing a lot more sitting and a lot more drive through. They gave us a calendar for August with thoughts for each day. I posted it on the fridge. As I'm standing in front of the fridge eating my lunch I read. "Do not stand while eating. Sit down and enjoy your food" Ooooops. I have been working on this sense and discovered it is a big problem for me. I cannot sit down unless I am doing something else like the computer. Guess I wound up a little tight over the last year and a half!! This is my goal for the coming week, to sit down when I eat. Ugh. In that 2 weeks of "vacation" I have scraped off all the wallpaper in the kitchen and am reading my second book. I'm thinking slowing down may be good for the mental health! Ya think.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Two Wolves
An elder Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me.. it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity,humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith." "This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too", he added. The Grandchildren thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"The old Cherokee simply replied... "The one you feed."
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