Sunday, August 23, 2009

After the Rage

After a child is done raging is a great time to work on attachment. They are generally emotionally exhausted and calm. It is a good time to rub their backs if they have gone to lay down somewhere. If they will allow it pull them onto your lap and have a Snuggle Time (see labels at right) It is a time for reassurance:

"You sure had a lot of anger (fear, sadness) today".
"You will learn to use your words as you being to heal"
"I am never going to leave you."
"I'm so glad I am your mom."

You get the idea. Love them when they have been most unlovable.

4 comments:

Julie said...

The fact that children need reminding over and over and over each day that they are loved because of what an adult did to them early in their life is simply unexcusable. I am angry at the "system" it is broken. These children didn't ask to be born into these situations nor to be neglected and/or abused. The biological parents lose their rights to the children and move on with whatever it is that they do. The Children must live through what they have done to them PLUS try to recover, move on and try to live a normal life. Most people don't have a clue as to what children of neglect and/or abuse must endure and recover from.

A few of the children that are born into these abuse and neglect situations are "rescued" from it all. The very sad fact . . . most are not. Where is the compassion for children? Where is the love? Where are the families that could offer a hurting child a home? People are to afraid of what they will endure or what other people will say.

Tonight . . . I am greatful for you, your family, your blog and your friendship. I am thankful for people that rescue children and take them into their home and make them their own.

Children . . . ALL CHILDREN NEED A LOVING, STABLE AND UNDERSTANDING HOME.

Thank you, You are a Blessing!

peggysue said...

Children in many situations can be so damaged by the people who are supposed to take care of them. We see progress with our daughter, or healing as you call it with Taz and I am so grateful for it.

My older children were deeply wounded when their dad walked out on us . . . and it IS always an US, he did not just walk out on me, it is abandoning the family. I had so much reconstructive work to do with my children . . . one useful phrase I would tell my little son every night is that if you lined up all the little boys in the whole world and I got to pick one, I would choose him. I think that the choice part of the equation is useful for the RAD children in our homes too, we use that phrase with our daughter who has RAD . . .we tell her we flew all the way around the world to bring her home to be our daughter . . .and I think it helps.

Life's Mom said...

PeggySue - I think you would love this book. I read it to Life all the time: http://www.amazon.com/Choose-You-Dr-John-Trent/dp/0849911656

Brenda said...

Julie~You said that so well. I wish more people could see it.

Peggy Sue~ I'm sorry for the heartache you have suffered and your children as well. I love the analogy you use.

Life's Mom~ We have that book. It is a great one!