tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31342427910957431312024-03-05T19:56:55.519-06:00LIVING WITH RADLearning to love,trust and feel safeBrendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.comBlogger825125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-70135567171797181872013-09-14T22:09:00.001-05:002013-09-14T22:09:16.830-05:00Resilience<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6rDPMJkJjfXG5YmXnolxiaT7fJZJVrz_u2B2urvkjN9u4GWFAeXSEX_R0vMGpY6fbptE6swHCa6Zal8kNlPVxP28Eikv40wNi0NhdxC1paaWaQw7KHFOUD202EK9F8nbxx-3xnJV0Ip3M/s1600/IMGP1558.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6rDPMJkJjfXG5YmXnolxiaT7fJZJVrz_u2B2urvkjN9u4GWFAeXSEX_R0vMGpY6fbptE6swHCa6Zal8kNlPVxP28Eikv40wNi0NhdxC1paaWaQw7KHFOUD202EK9F8nbxx-3xnJV0Ip3M/s320/IMGP1558.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="vk_ans" style="margin-bottom: 0px;">
re·sil·ience</div>
<div class="lr_dct_ent_ph">
<span class="lr_dct_ph"><span>riˈzilyəns</span>/</span><span alt="Speaker icon" class="lr_dct_spkr lr_dct_spkr_off" data-log-string="pronunciation-icon-click" jsaction="dob.p" style="display: inline-block;" title="Listen"><input height="16" src="data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAABAAAAAQCAYAAAAf8/9hAAAAcUlEQVQ4y2P4//8/AyUYQhAH3gNxA7IAIQPmo/H3g/QA8XkgFiBkwHyoYnRQABVfj88AmGZcTuuHyjlgMwBZM7IE3NlQGhQe65EN+I8Dw8MLGgYoFpFqADK/YUAMwOsFigORatFIlYRElaRMWmaiBAMAp0n+3U0kqkAAAAAASUVORK5CYII=" style="height: 16px; width: 16px;" type="image" width="16" /><audio preload="auto" src="https://ssl.gstatic.com/dictionary/static/sounds/de/0/resilience.mp3"></audio></span></div>
<div class="lr_dct_sf_h">
<i>noun</i></div>
<div class="xpdxpnd vk_gy" data-mh="-1">
<span>noun: <b>resilience</b></span><span>; plural noun: <b>resiliences</b></span></div>
<ol class="lr_dct_sf_sens">
<li><div>
<div class="lr_dct_sf_sen vk_txt">
<div style="margin-left: 20px;">
<div style="font-size: small;">
<div>
<span>the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
<li><div>
<div class="lr_dct_sf_sen vk_txt">
<div style="margin-left: 20px;">
<div style="font-size: small;">
<div>
<span>the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</li>
</ol>
<div class="lr_dct_sf_sen vk_txt">
<div style="margin-left: 20px;">
<div style="font-size: small;">
<div>
<span>The above photo is a perfect example of resilience. In the flower pot above I planted herbs this year. I didn't take care of them so well and they died....Just a couple of weeks ago up sprouted the little impatien you see. I planted cheap impatiens plants from the grocery store, the summer before last....amazing. Some where in the soil was some bit of a root or seed laying their dormant for two years, and then when the plants all died, and no water was placed in the pot for a month...up sprouts the plant.</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<br />
<div class="lr_dct_sf_sen vk_txt">
<div style="margin-left: 20px;">
<div style="font-size: small;">
<div>
<span></span> </div>
<div>
<span>Some of our children are so resilient and others are deeply traumatized. Why this happens is complex and truly does it matter why? What matters is what do we do with our kiddos who are not resilient. Some of our children live their lives every day as though disaster is imminent and likely to come from one source...mom...</span></div>
<div>
<span></span> </div>
<div>
<span>I love Dr Becker-Weidmann's formula for parenting. PLACE</span></div>
<div>
<span><span style="color: #cc0000;">P</span>layfulness: Don't take our kids our life so serious. When things are tense find a way to lighten the moment. (NOT SARCASM)</span></div>
<div>
<span><span style="color: #cc0000;">L</span><span style="color: black;">ove: Loving eyes, loving hands, loving voice. Never give up. Never quit.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span><span style="color: #cc0000;">A</span><span style="color: black;">ttunement: talking through problems and allowing yourself to become in tune with what your child is saying....no matter how ridiculous follow the conversation. Be accepting as you move through the problem. (if you are uncomfortable with this, ask yourself how much good has come from trying to get them to admit they have done something)</span></span></div>
<div>
<span><span style="color: #cc0000;">C</span><span style="color: black;">urious about this ridiculous story and about what might be, about what might be hard to say, about what has happened? (I'm wondering if I had broken the lamp if I might be afraid to say so)</span></span></div>
<div>
<span><span style="color: #cc0000;">E</span><span style="color: black;">mpathy: I get how you feel. I fee what you feel. I see the sadness/fear in your eyes. I know it is hard to talk about big feelings.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span><span style="color: black;"></span></span> </div>
<div>
<span>We all love having at least one person who really gets us. Who sits and listens. Be that person for your child....It is so hard raising our kids. heartbreaking, exhausting....there is hope.</span></div>
<div>
<span></span> </div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<br />
<div class="vk_gy">
</div>
</div>
Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-82328804521771528862013-09-10T15:44:00.001-05:002013-09-10T15:44:32.526-05:00Giving this another whirl!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Would you believe we are empty nesters? I need to go through and update my information. Life has been good. I have over 500 unpublished comments I need to go through.....but I'm ready to start writing again....only this time as the mother of grown children, two of whom have RAD. And as a therapist working primarily with foster and adopted children...I will spend the next couple of weeks updating my blog site and then hope to write at least weekly on RADical thoughts.<br />
<br />
: ) Of course, I also need to take a meander around some of your blogs and see what is up. I've been in Grad school, starting a satellite office and then becoming fully licensed.....just a bit. More later....but not too much later.<span id="goog_1950292461"></span><span id="goog_1950292462"></span></div>
Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-39475501715868801792012-01-09T07:39:00.001-06:002012-01-09T07:40:49.267-06:00The New Year outlook<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">This post is available at <a href="http://www.counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/">www.counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com</a><br />
</div>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-59515681013827801022011-12-13T08:40:00.000-06:002011-12-13T08:40:29.682-06:00What is Therapeutic Parenting?Read this post : <a href="http://counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/2011/12/what-is-therapeutic-parenting.html">http://counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/2011/12/what-is-therapeutic-parenting.html</a>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-74151859273292897412011-12-11T14:00:00.000-06:002011-12-11T14:00:05.856-06:00Proud of my heartRead this post at<br />
<br />
<a href="http://counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/2011/12/proud-of-my-heart.html">http://counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/2011/12/proud-of-my-heart.html</a>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-61095003870900870512011-12-08T23:04:00.002-06:002011-12-08T23:04:34.229-06:00Creating a Wonderful LifePlease come see us at <a href="http://counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/2011/12/this-evening-i-watched-its-wonderful.html">http://counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/2011/12/this-evening-i-watched-its-wonderful.html</a> to read this post!Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-90734505901908072452011-12-08T07:36:00.002-06:002011-12-08T07:36:56.407-06:00Have a Healing ChristmasThis post is available at:<br />
<a href="http://www.counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/">http://www.counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/</a>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-5028903596063091052011-12-07T13:12:00.002-06:002011-12-07T13:12:49.767-06:00Christmas + trauma = ?Read this post at<br />
<br />
<a href="http://counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/2011/12/christmas-trauma.html">http://counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/2011/12/christmas-trauma.html</a>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-32328167548195159362011-12-06T14:46:00.000-06:002011-12-06T14:46:18.666-06:00Regulated, Dysregulated, Discombobulated<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">This article may be read at the new site<br />
<br />
<a href="http://counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/2011/12/regulated-dysregulated-discombobulated.html">http://counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/2011/12/regulated-dysregulated-discombobulated.html</a></div>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-1740085891172948522011-12-05T21:12:00.000-06:002011-12-05T21:12:04.711-06:00RAD: What worksThis article may be read at the new site: <a href="http://counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/">http://counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/</a>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-74362093574878164782011-12-04T23:16:00.000-06:002011-12-04T23:16:00.491-06:00Where is your focus?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">This article is available at the new blog <br />
<br />
<a href="http://counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/2011/12/where-is-your-focus.html">http://counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/2011/12/where-is-your-focus.html</a></div>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-5874128533948565202011-12-02T15:15:00.002-06:002011-12-02T15:15:42.884-06:00Living With RAD is now Counseling & Enrichment<a href="http://www.counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/">http://www.counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/</a><br />
<br />
Come on over and read us!Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-75236894002774662802011-12-01T16:34:00.001-06:002011-12-01T18:18:31.636-06:00Living with RAD is MOVING!I am joining the staff of the Counseling & Enrichment Center in creating a blog. I along with other therapist's who work with children with attachment and trauma issues will be sharing this blog. I hope you will come and check us out and become a "follower"!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/">http://counselingandenrichment.blogspot.com/</a>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-32562401359808955162011-08-07T22:11:00.000-05:002011-08-07T22:11:47.925-05:00ATTACh Conference Web Site Promo<iframe height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/h_1OlvjaUEw?fs=1" frameborder="0" width="425" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-56912449944296477842011-07-19T12:40:00.000-05:002011-07-19T12:40:48.208-05:00Beautiful by Mercy Me<iframe height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8WnAq0o2Xl8?fs=1" frameborder="0" width="425" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-4304655728324903762011-06-28T10:46:00.000-05:002011-06-28T10:46:25.518-05:00We all get tired<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitVw-DNDVYP-gEi6rjD2QHpSltZq2qlcrIoZxH4Bq6W0_HwA1UY_GDco1i8g27hyphenhyphenw9uRSXJmSomlxAzh4PAygv9kTY1yLbKGp4ViPts-sXjIoBOgvId5e_-hsSXyOX0oGtFYmR0UGboi-p/s1600/poor+mama.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="269" i$="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitVw-DNDVYP-gEi6rjD2QHpSltZq2qlcrIoZxH4Bq6W0_HwA1UY_GDco1i8g27hyphenhyphenw9uRSXJmSomlxAzh4PAygv9kTY1yLbKGp4ViPts-sXjIoBOgvId5e_-hsSXyOX0oGtFYmR0UGboi-p/s320/poor+mama.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>We all have those days when motherhood wears us down. We have days when we are overwhelmed and need a break. It doesn't mean you are not a good mama. It means you are tired....Take care of yourself. Get the breaks you need. Have fun with friends and family. Especially go out and have fun with your husband. Do not talk about problems but just laugh. Have a healing mama day! </div>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-13924869071713754152011-06-14T18:25:00.001-05:002011-06-14T19:30:00.398-05:00Joint Chief of Staff, Mike Mullen! The man offers hope and has a great sense of humor!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIfqvt4XSn2oalXUowM-7e0kuq3WqMCMCWeUjMym6W6zZE09didczH2tObexomE-oxRSINT5G_G6ezJs7zL48OOOK8RKafXemJ6jSZgkY7qxxWyrWlvAho46Go1HTKCwBy2K9bMkt76cnQ/s1600/MikeMullen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIfqvt4XSn2oalXUowM-7e0kuq3WqMCMCWeUjMym6W6zZE09didczH2tObexomE-oxRSINT5G_G6ezJs7zL48OOOK8RKafXemJ6jSZgkY7qxxWyrWlvAho46Go1HTKCwBy2K9bMkt76cnQ/s320/MikeMullen.jpg" t8="true" width="256" /></a></div><br />
Wikepedia<br />
<br />
"The son of a Hollywood press agent and his wife, who worked as an assistant to Jimmy Durante, Mullen was born in Los Angeles, California. He attended St. Charles Borromeo Church (North Hollywood) grade school,[3] and graduated from Notre Dame High School (Sherman Oaks) in 1964. Mullen then attended the United States Naval Academy in Annapolis, <span style="color: blue;">graduating in the lower third of his class</span> in 1968.[4]"<br />
<br />
Connecticut Post from his speech at West Point:<br />
<br />
"Mullen, a U.S. Naval Academy graduate, also poked some fun at himself, noting that <span style="color: blue;">he had something in common with the famous West Point graduate George Custer: they both accumulated a good number of “demerits” during their service academy days.</span>"<br />
<br />
On Letterman he pointed out that he <span style="color: blue;">almost had the limit of demerits needed to be kicked out of West Point within, jokingly said "the first month".</span><br />
<br />
My point is not the the chairman of the Joints Chief of Staff is a goof. He is not. He has risen to lead many men, captain ships and now is in a position highly respected.<br />
<br />
It is easy to sometimes fear the future for our kids. They probably won't rise to this position in the government but then few do. But maybe, just maybe, we worry too much.</div>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-65447995256864760922011-06-10T17:57:00.011-05:002011-06-10T19:35:18.194-05:00The much anticipated 2011 ATTACh Conference Brochure is now available!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">The <span style="color: purple;">excitement is in the air</span> with the brochure release, which<br />
<br />
highlights our 23rd Annual ATTACh Conference theme: “<span style="color: #0b5394;">Attachment &</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;">Trauma: Through the Eyes of a Child.”</span> It is wonderful to have so<br />
<br />
many people from all over the nation calling, emailing, and sending<br />
<br />
requests for copies of our brochure. Clearly, the <span style="color: #6aa84f;">22 previous ATTACh</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Conferences have left quite a meaningful impression!</span> <br />
<br />
One gentleman even declared that he had eagerly awaited the Conference all year. He<br />
<br />
was so confident that our workshops would be invaluable that he didn’t<br />
<br />
need the schedule details; he just knew that he didn’t want to miss a<br />
<br />
moment of the full event. Another past attendee emailed in<br />
<br />
appreciation; he stated, “<span style="color: blue;">I’d like to thank you for a wonderful and</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">thoroughly enriching experience last year</span>. I was very pleased with<br />
<br />
both the quality of the program and good nature of all those with<br />
<br />
which I had the pleasure of interacting. I trust you will provide an<br />
<br />
equally worthwhile event this year and I wish you all the best toward<br />
<br />
that end.” Truly, ATTACh has <span style="color: orange;">deep appreciation</span> for all of the<br />
<br />
continued support and devotion to education and <br />
<br />
empowerment in overcoming Attachment issues and Trauma in children.<br />
<br />
Your eager anticipation and lofty expectations <span style="color: red;">will not be</span><br />
<span style="color: red;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: red;">disappointed</span> this year either. We have a full list of<span style="color: blue;"> critically-</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">acclaimed researchers, in-depth educators, and world-renowned authors</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br />
</span><br />
who are committed to sharing their understanding and revolutionary<br />
<br />
discoveries about the healing process. <span style="color: #38761d;">The effective hands-on</span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #38761d;">techniques and insight</span> they offer could be the turning point that is<br />
<br />
so desperately needed in the life of one of our patients or one of our<br />
<br />
children. We are so proud to present the wealth of knowledge and<br />
<br />
ingenuity in our line-up of presenters, not to mention the opportunity<br />
<br />
for parents and professionals to network together and support one<br />
<br />
another in their joint efforts to be a driving force for<br />
<br />
Attachment.<br />
<br />
So, without further ado….<br />
<br />
Please go to <a href="http://www.attach.org/">http://www.attach.org/</a> and click on the “<span style="color: red;">2011 ATTACh</span><span style="color: red;"> Conference </span><span style="color: red;">Brochure,”</span> front and center on the Home page. If you have any<br />
questions or concerns feel free to contact us. We would love to hear<br />
<br />
from you!<br />
<br />
<em>Pat Ann St. Germain, Vice-President of Administration & the ATTACh</em><em><br />
</em><br />
<em>Board of Directors</em></div>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-42378180464570096382011-06-09T21:18:00.001-05:002011-06-09T21:18:28.188-05:00My Young Adult Radling.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Fish and Teddy will be 19 this month. In Nebraska the age of majority is 19. So we are in transition time. Fish will be going away to college in another state. Teddy, however, is transitioning into independent living. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. No stress. I'm working with 5 or so agencies and the list just keeps growing. He is going to get disability as an adult which will help. We are working with several agencies trying to get him a part time job. I do not know if this is possible and I do not know if he can stick with it if he gets one. As a young adult his mental health disorders have become so much more serious. I've learned more in the last year on transition than I thought possible. I'm working on finding him this wide variety of services in hopes of giving him a sufficient life as a young adult. Teddy has RAD. This means he still sees me as mean and untrustworthy. So he continues his "push mom away" behaviors in order to feel safe. Meanwhile he is stressed from the thought of living on his own. I assure him constantly that we will be right here. We are not going any where. We will be there to help and answer questions. We are not pushing him out of the nest and saying "Good luck". BUT he does not trust....So how can he believe this is true.<br />
<br />
We are planning a family vacation later this summer. He is going. I have pointed out to him that we are inviting him along because we want him there. We do not have too any more. We could easily leave him at his home, which should be in place by then. But we WANT to take him along. This only makes him angry because he think I say this sort of thing to make him feel "bad". Strong emotions still go straight to sadness or fear. When I say "I want you there". He hears "You are so mean to me. You don't deserve it. You should feel bad."<br />
<br />
RAD with a young adult child is a road we are just beginning. It will be difficult. It is what we do because we are parents who NEVER NEVER QUIT.</div>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-70267461383985784852011-05-24T21:52:00.000-05:002011-05-24T21:52:31.998-05:00My Child's World View<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">All of us perceive the world based on our life experience and beliefs we have built over time. These beliefs may come from a mixture of that experience and the belief systems of those with whom we live and then as we get older, those with whom we spend our time.<br />
<br />
For example, I tend to look at the world through rose colored glasses and I tend to be relaxed and low key most of the time. I can kick it in gear when necessary, such as work needing done, but don't tend to stress. I grew up with parents from the hills of the Ozarks. Many would say they had very hillbilly like childhoods. I hope so because to me, that carries a picture of very relaxed, simple people who enjoy the beauty of the world around them and each other.<br />
<br />
Our children had their early years surrounded by trauma, neglect, and or abuse. To them the world is a dangerous place. Love is not to be trusted because people who love you hurt you. Love is not safe. Repeated trauma not only made this reality if it the very basis of their view of the world. It is hardwired into there brains just as deeply as is my own view of the world as a safe and loving place. Yes. there is danger but my shock and horror at crime and injustice comes from my belief that those things go so against my world view.<br />
<br />
Our children expect to fail. They expect us to leave. They believe moms are dangerous as they are not to be trusted and break your heart.<br />
<br />
We just keep loving them and telling them they are safe, love is good, they are worth loving. And then we demonstrate it daily. We don't feel it every day. We don't succeed every day. But then we get up and start again. We never, never quit.</div>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-60620212079844841172011-05-19T09:38:00.000-05:002011-05-19T09:38:52.357-05:00Why is he singing?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Taz has the habit of singing when he is upset. Years ago, I thought it was a sign of no conscience. He'd break something intentionally, take something or do some other thing upsetting and then start singing....I would be so upset at his lack of guilt feelings. One day I asked him why he was singing and he said he was trying to make himself feel better. Now I view the singing in a completely different light. <br />
<br />
My point is not that Taz sings to make himself feel better. My point is about assumptions. Sometimes we think we know why a child is doing a certain behavior and assume the worst. Dig a little deeper. There may be something more pure under there.<br />
<br />
Have a healing day!</div>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-72692599106250775142011-05-17T14:29:00.000-05:002011-05-17T14:29:23.737-05:00Where is the wisdom in that?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">My boys, Fish and Teddy, that graduated on Sunday had their wisdom teeth removed today. They are doing fine. They are downstairs watching tv. RADlings have a difficult time letting anyone care for them when they are sick. Teddy lets the blood drip, coughs into my face and is non appreciative of anything I do to make him comfortable. It would be so very hard to be sore and hurting and not feel like anyone will help you or care for you. Tough to be his mom many days. Tougher to be him. His heart hurts worse than his mouth.</div>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-72498607082423918952011-05-16T21:51:00.000-05:002011-05-16T21:51:06.981-05:00RAD grad<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Ours sons Fish and Teddy have graduated. Their reactions are so different from one another. Fortunately for Teddy, Fish is very social. So their grad party was well attended by other high school kids. Makes me worry for Taz in a couple of years as he has no real friends, but there is still time for him to work that out. I took a lot of photos at graduation and also made a video of them getting their diploma. Fish's reaction was "those are neat mom. Thanks". Teddy, my child with RAD said "The video is fuzzy." and had no reaction to the photos. Now the rooky me would have been hurt that on his big day he still rejected me. I would never be good enough. But the experienced mom said "Yup. He has to keep his distance." I'm sure he liked them. He just can't say. Our kids love us as best they can. They really do.</div>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-2832504377877742192011-04-25T09:26:00.000-05:002011-04-25T09:26:35.412-05:00Oppositional Behavior ODD or Trauma<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Oppositional Defiant Disorder or Trauma?<br />
by Caelan Kuban<br />
<br />
Children with a history of traumatic experiences exhibit greater oppositional defiant behaviors than children without exposure to trauma. This is most likely the result of the negative physiological impact trauma has on core regulatory systems, compromising a child’s ability to regulate and process sensory inputs. Changes in the body’s critical stress response system prevent the modulation of sensory deregulation, making the child incapable of self-regulating their emotions and behavior. The experience of trauma increases vulnerability to stressors, even mild stressors that healthy individuals are able to handle. For example, simple problem solving becomes difficult, causing anger and confusion in a child that simply “does not know what to do” about a situation, ultimately resulting in rage, aggression and other oppositional defiant-like disorders. <br />
<br />
Under stress, traumatized children’s analytical capacities are limited and behaviorally react with confusion, withdrawal and/or rage. Rather than making a gradual shift from right brain hemisphere dominance (feeling and sensory) to dominance of the left hemisphere (language, reasoning, problem solving) resulting in an integration of neural communication between hemispheres, they react only from their “sensory” or right brain often lacking the “thought” or planning before action is taken. <br />
<br />
Interestingly, many of the symptoms and reactions present in Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) are parallel to the symptoms and reactions in children post-trauma. More than 800,000 children are exposed to trauma annually from abuse and neglect alone. Twenty percent of those children are observed to have dramatic changes in behavior consistent with ODD following a traumatic event. It would be beneficial to develop guidelines helping pediatricians and other early childhood professionals routinely screen for the presence of trauma-related symptoms and impairments even in very young children. This would prevent the mislabeling of ODD in later years. As one of the top diagnoses given to children today, it is certainly important to understand both the etiology and intervention options proposed for ODD. When ODD is viewed from a biological and trauma-informed perspective, compassion from parents, caregivers, and teachers often follows.</div>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3134242791095743131.post-39114439552542676732011-04-24T18:40:00.002-05:002011-04-24T18:40:55.269-05:00Attitude....What's yours?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">"There is nothing - no circumstance, no trouble, no testing - that can ever touch me until first of all it has gone past God, past Christ, right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a great purpose, which I may not understand at the moment. But as I refuse to become panicky, as I lift my eyes to Him and accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will disturb me, no trial will ever disarm me, no circumstance will cause me to fret for I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is. This is the rest of victory."<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important that facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company . . . a church . . . a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day, We cannot change our past . . . we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way, We cannot change the inevitable, The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude . . . I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.”<br />
<br />
- Charles Swindoll</div>Brendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05811548306583601019noreply@blogger.com3