Allegations

One of the issues many children with RAD have is making false allegations. There are some parental behaviors, that if we are completely honest, make this more complicated. When we are worn down or overwhelmed we do not always make wise choices. The one incident at the zoo today was an excellent example. When Alex was yelling in my face the appropriate thing to do was either just ignore the loud behavior, attempt a hug or hand on the shoulder or just say he is safe and doesn't need to be afraid. The physical contact, even though it did not hurt, was not hard and was not intended to hurt, was seen as aggressive by him . He is always defensive. He is always looking for someone to hurt him or let him down. There have been times even when it is an accident, such as stepping on the back of someones shoe or running into each other coming around a corner. Even these are seen as intentional aggression by him much of the time. There are times when a child makes false allegations and the parent knows there isn't even an incident for this to stem from.

It is hard to love children who push away so hard. I tried talking to Bear about the incident earlier but he has no interest in having a logical conversation. My next step is to use the BC method of going and apologizing for frightening him today. He is always safe. I will never hurt him.

Parenting these kids is hard. It is easy to second guess every move. It is easy to be self critical. We do however need to be honest when our behavior or reactions make things worse instead of better and try to address it within ourselves. It makes us better moms. It makes us better people.

False Allegations of Abuse

This is a frightening symptom isn't it? When my kids were younger they would threaten or make minor allegations. I'd hold their hand as we walked in a room and they would throw themselves onto the floor in the kitchen and slide across and yell "Why did you push me?" I'd stop and think "Oh my! What happened?" And then realize I didn't do a thing. One came home one day and said a teacher had bad touched him. As he told the story further, the teacher actually tripped and fell and her hand accidentally touched him on the way down. Poor woman! He had no compassion whatsoever for her fall. I crossed the street with one when quite young and insisted he hold my hand. He said I held it too tight and he would call the police. I said "Go ahead and I will tell them you are trying to cross a dangerous street all alone." They have threatened to call social services. I tell them the number (memorize yours) Threatened to call the police. I ask if they would like to have me dial. Before you get worried, this would be for "Making" them do chores, finish homework or some other activity they didn't want to do. There are children who will make very serious allegations. I know of a girl who would scratch or hit her arm and then tell people her parents did it. I know many parents have been accused of sexual abuse when they did nothing. In trying to protect our nations children, the parent seems to have become guilty until proven innocent. If you have a child who you are concerned about making false allegations, write EVERYTHING down with the dates and times. Do not allow anyone to be in a room alone with that child, especially opposite gender parents. In our case, when our boys said most of their smaller allegations I told everyone. I told teachers and told them to let me know and that I in turn would let them know if anything was said about them. You need to make people who work with your child aware so they can protect themselves as well. If your child has this issue it is time for you to be hypervigilent.