The Sweetness After the Holidays

I remember this even when RAD was rampant in our home. We arrived home from Thanksgiving on Saturday. The boys immediately relaxed. There was an unusual quietness in our home. There was relief on their faces. I love those times because it shows they feel safe in our home. If you get those after holiday sweet times, I know you enjoy them too. Make sure you enjoy their significance as well. Sweet safety.

RADical Holidays

Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas are knocking on our door. "Trick or Treat" is what they ask us? There are some ways that have helped our holidays become more of a treat than a trick. I'll share a few and if you have any ideas PLEASE share them. If you'd rather write your own post let me know and I'll provide a link.

Schedule: Keep bed times and daily routines as close to the same as possible. A child with RAD who is tired or on a sugar high is NOT a treat.

Visits: At family visits keep your child close to you. One way to do this is to bring along your own activities. We would often take board games with us. We found that if we sat down and started playing them with our kids soon others joined in giving us a chance to bow out and visit. We still needed to come back to the game and check in often. If need be, sit at the "kids table" to keep things under control.

Relatives who don't get it: If you have relatives who want to cling onto your child and not follow your wishes just state simply "We are working on some therapeutic attachment right now so need to do it this way. Thanks for helping us out with it" and then just do it your way. If they continue to interfere have some information on RAD that you have copied or printed off the Internet and hand it to them with a simple "Please read this".

Exercise:Our kids need to keep moving.It relieves anxiety,depression and cannot be skipped. Take them outside,bring along the jump rope and head to the garage or basement, put on some music and have the kids dance, do something that helps them get moving each day. "We usually went for a walk after meals. It helped both of us.

Diet: Try to keep your child eating healthy foods. When there is sugar involved make sure it is coming from you. If a grandma or aunt insists on giving them sugar at a time you think is not appropriate just smile and say "Thanks. Why don't you eat half now and save the other half for after dinner. It looks wonderful"

Meaning: Our children often have a sense of entitlement and materialism. This is a good time to talk about giving and what they can do for others. Focus on a needy family or charity to which the family can give. And of course, talk about what each holiday means to you. Don't be frustrated if you child doesn't get it continues with the entitlement and materialism. It is a symptom. Treating the symptoms of RAD does not take care of the RAD itself.


Listen: Our children need a lot of empathy and understanding this time of year. It is difficult to them and having a mom who understands that and who loves them in spite of obnoxious behavior will be a way into their hearts

You can do it!

I would like to add a couple of really great posts others have written on getting through the holidays. Check out Diana's and Christy's blogs on this subject! Good stuff Maynard.

Happy Valentine's Day

Expectations: Sometimes having expectations of what a day should be like can lead to disappointment. Often our kids with RAD see special days as days they do not deserve. Or if there is too much closeness they fight to push you away. On Valentine's Day tread softly. They love us in the way they were taught long ago. They love us the best they can. The best gift we can give each of our children is too love them as they are. That would be a great Valentine's Day gift. Give it with no thought of what you will get in return, because it might just be too hard for them to even be nice. It's ok. They will heal. Just not today. Happy Valentine's Day!

Oh and PS: The drawing is by Rick at http://organizeddoodles.blogspot.com/ Thanks Rick.

RAD and the Holidays

Holidays are difficult time for children with RAD. It is a change in routine. Possibly a change in location as you go to someone elses house for few days and possibly a stirring of memories. A change in routine is difficult for our kids because it makes them anxious about what is happening next. Where are we going? Will I stay there? The memories of past holidays that were not so good can come to mind. As everyone sits around talking about "remember when", they probably were not there so feel left out. They often feel undeserving of good things so it brings them shame and guilt. We try not to give to much advance notice of things going on as this seems to only prolong the anxiety. As we approach grandmas house we give some basic guidelines for behavior: Walk in the house, if you need anything only ask mom or dad (big problem here with asking others for things they know they can't have/do, or not wanting need met by mom) and keeping the child with the most serious issues close at hand. I also generally pack quiet activities for them to do if we are going someplace where I know there is nothing for them to do. I'd rather sit and play a quiet game with them (I hate board games) then have total chaos break out so that is what I do if needed. It would be nice if we could just go off and hang out with the family and not worry but that is not realistic. So, time for us to remember our special childen's needs and meet them. Tag team with hubby so you each get some family time or include family members in your quiet activity, but keep your child with RAD feeling as safe as possible.