Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day

Expectations: Sometimes having expectations of what a day should be like can lead to disappointment. Often our kids with RAD see special days as days they do not deserve. Or if there is too much closeness they fight to push you away. On Valentine's Day tread softly. They love us in the way they were taught long ago. They love us the best they can. The best gift we can give each of our children is too love them as they are. That would be a great Valentine's Day gift. Give it with no thought of what you will get in return, because it might just be too hard for them to even be nice. It's ok. They will heal. Just not today. Happy Valentine's Day!

Oh and PS: The drawing is by Rick at Thanks Rick.


Kimmy said...

Hi, Brenda. I just thought I should introduce myself. I am the stepmom of a child with RAD. Unfortunately, my nine years of being the only mom he's ever known came to an end when, two-and-a-half years ago, social services removed him from our home due to behaviors that were endangering our younger boys (as well as ourselves). I admire you for your perseverance and strength. I have struggled with a lot of guilt over how my stepson's life is turning out (he's 17 now and is in regular contact with his birth mother, who, when he was 3, basically abandoned him and "quit" being his mom . . . long story short: she is the primary cause for his disorder, but no one else seems to realize this!!!). Well, before I get off on a tangent, I'd better end. I'm looking forward to visiting often. I wish I would have had a resource like you when my son was living with us. It would have made life a lot easier to bear at times.

Rick said...

The sad heart looks good with that nice frame around it. I still have you on my list Brenda. I haven't lost you.


Brenda said...

((((((((((hugs))))))) Welcome. I'm so glad to meet you. There is a lot of guilt but I'm glad you do realize that his birth mom is the root of the issue. Have you done any reading on how to deal with losing an adoptive child? If not, I know of some articles I can post for you.

Brenda said...


I'm glad you like him. There is just something about him that makes me smile even though he is sad.


Tami Boesiger said...

Hey, I love the graphic too. It reminds me of myself. Some days I feel pretty grumpy, but basically I'm all heart.

I am excited to see your blog helping so many people, Brenda. You are a godsend to many.