Does my child have Reactive Attachment Disorder?

This post is for any of you parents who have kids and wonder.  Maybe you have been to many doctors and therapists and no one can help. You cannot figure out what is going on with your child. I don't think you can get a diagnosis on line from reading some hick lady's blog from Nebraska. But I can tell you some things that would be a red flag that would say "It's time to meet with an attachment therapist for an evaluation".  Attachment therapy is different than other therapies and even when all others have failed there is a chance for success. So here we go:

Things that break attachment

adoption, foster care, early childhood illness that requires hospitalization or prolonged pain, parent physical or mental illness that separates them from the child physically or emotionally, changes in primary caregiver during the first three years.....These events do not always break attachment. They can just cause some attachment issues. There are some of those remarkable kids out there who are resiliant and get through it. It does effect many.

Symptoms:

I'd like to say first and very very importantly that these symptoms can be symptoms of other problems. Don't read them and say "Ah this is it". They do need to see a professional to rule out other things that have the same symptoms.
Attachment Disorder Symptoms
• Superficially engaging & charming

• Lack of eye contact on parents terms

• Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers

• Not affectionate on Parents’ terms (not cuddly)

• Destructive to self, others and material things (accident prone)

• Cruelty to animals

• Lying about the obvious (crazy lying)

• Stealing

• No impulse controls (frequently acts hyperactive)

• Learning Lags

• Lack of cause and effect thinking

• Lack of conscience

• Abnormal eating patterns

• Poor peer relationships

• Preoccupation with fire

• Preoccupation with blood & gore

• Persistent nonsense questions & chatter

• Inappropriately demanding & clingy

• Abnormal speech patterns

• Triangulation of adults

• False allegations of abuse

• Presumptive entitlement issues

• Parents appear hostile and angry

This list is from Nancy Thomas' site.

I hope this helps some mom who is searching.  There are answers. Get help. Find support. To the right you will see a list of blogs from adoptive moms.  If my style is not one you relate to find one that you do. You are not alone.

Finding Support

One of the things that helps moms most is finding strong support. We have to look in a wide variety of places. First, for me, is in my faith. I believe in the power of prayer. I also appreciate those in my church and my church friends. They are with me fully and let me know that. They cannot give councel as to how to handle our kids. They can pray and let me know they care and they do that. Thanks ladies. Second is professional help. I do believe it has made a big difference for me. They give you a place to let out your deep feelings but they also help you find a balance. They think of ways to deal with your life friends are not trained to do. They add a balance of a nonemotionally involved outlook at things. Support groups are great. I know there is an adoptive support group that meets about an hour and a half from here. I have not had the opportunity to attend their meetings but no someone else who has and finds real understanding and wisdom there. Finding other moms who have adopted and are facing some of the same issues helps too. I meet regularly for coffee with one mom who has two daughters with RAD. We rarely give answers but always share about our week with no judgment. We give each other understanding. On line there are blogs and websites with information. I feel the more I understand about this disorder the better I can parent this child. Find your support. Search it out for yourself. A tree with long strong roots can withstand the storm.

P.S. Oh my goodness. I left out my hubby. He is my strongest supporter. He does not understand RAD to the extent I do. He knows that and so says "I don't get it but you do. What do we do?" He is always there with a hug and says to do what I need to in order to take care of myself. We take good care of our relationships with each other and because of this have grown closer through RAD rather than apart. Hmmmmmmm. Maybe I should talk about marriage tomorrow.