I remember writing about the subtypes of RAD. Instead of doing the clinical jargon version I just want to point out how vastly different my 2 sons present their RAD. Older son is passive aggressive. He rarely says no but rarely complies. He says OK but then doesn't do it. He tries to spend all his time hiding in his room or doing activities that keep him away from me. He pretends not to know or understand things, but sometimes really doesn't. That is confusing. He refuses to work at school but can sit and stare into space for hours to keep from doing it. The only time he becomes confrontational is when we try to stop any of this behavior. Then all the anger he has bottled up inside comes out. Nothing is his fault. He does not agree with much of what I have to say. Our youngest son is like the Tasmanian Devil spinning through our house. He breaks much of what he touches. He is loud. He seeks confrontation, physical action and human touch. His anger is overt and EVERYONE is aware of it. I asked our attachment therapist and he said our younger son's presentation is much more common in his practice. I will say that while the younger sons is exhausting to deal with it has been much easier to treat. His crave for human touch has been our "in". Either way, as a parent, my reactions need to be the same. Eye contact, gentle touch, empathy, and attunement with their feelings. Tough stuff to do with a cyclone and a hermit but it can be done. "Never, never, never quit." Winston Churchill.
