Do you remember that movie? It was made about Nancy Thomas' daughter who suffered with RAD. Child of Rage is a good description of a child with RAD. The rage covers up so much sadness. Sadness about feeling rejected by their birth mom. Maybe abused in some way. Neglected. All such ugly unimaginable words and yet it is so very real to these little people. They have sadness about each foster home they left even if they were bad. In their eyes it is yet again rejection by another mother. There are no baby pictures of my boys. No shared family stories that include their early years. Even after being in our home for a few months one of my sons shared "We're foster boys." I made sure he knew "Not anymore." The rage also covers up fear. Fear that this mom is going to send me away too. Each time I leave one of them is angry when I get back. For years I'd run to the store and when I pulled in the drive the curtain would move because one was standing there waiting for me to return. Fear that they are different then everyone else. All teens have this to some extent. Teens with RAD have it in an amplified version. People know I used to be a "foster boy". Do people know all those mothers left me? I must be bad. I must be worthless. All of this contributes to the rage. Why rage? Because rage is empowering to them. Fear and sadness makes them feel weak and vulnerable. Rage makes them feel in control and strong.
So what does a mom do? Attachment therapy, EMDR therapy, read books on Attachment. Find friends in real life or on line that have lived your life. And then practice the things you learn. Relearn you parenting style for this child. You must do it differently if he is to succeed. And TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Go play. Spend some time each day relaxing. Read books, go for walks, have coffee with a friend, exercise, get a manicure. Do something that involves thinking about yourself. Don't lose yourself in the RAD. I did for awhile. Maybe I'll write about that tomorrow. Oh I should tell you that Nancy Thomas' daughter, Beth, is now a neonatal nurse, author and public speaker. There is hope.
So what does a mom do? Attachment therapy, EMDR therapy, read books on Attachment. Find friends in real life or on line that have lived your life. And then practice the things you learn. Relearn you parenting style for this child. You must do it differently if he is to succeed. And TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Go play. Spend some time each day relaxing. Read books, go for walks, have coffee with a friend, exercise, get a manicure. Do something that involves thinking about yourself. Don't lose yourself in the RAD. I did for awhile. Maybe I'll write about that tomorrow. Oh I should tell you that Nancy Thomas' daughter, Beth, is now a neonatal nurse, author and public speaker. There is hope.
