Expert Moms

I do so appreciate those of you who have emailed me privately. What a brilliant group of moms. (not for emailing me, but because of what you do for your children) God knew what he was doing when he gave these particular kids to you. You share your ideas and ask for mine. Sometimes I have them. Sometimes I don't. One mom recently shared some of these nurturing ideas with me. I thought they were so excellent I asked her if I could share them with you.

"I do recommend the High School Musical CD as excellent adoption music, as is the Mamma Mia CD. Country music lyrics seem to catch him too, because they transmit emotion well. (I should try him on my old Def Leppard anger music sometime.) Rocky Balboa bop it bags took some serious abuse. Watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition every Sunday is good emotional work. Raising foster kittens a few times over decidedly stretched his patience and ability to empathize and see things from another's perspective. Swimming is great because you can punch and kick water to your heart's content without hurting anything. LOTS of physical activity and back to nature stuff assisted the sensory issues that were very evident at first. We like watching the Monster Trucks crush things. Yoga balls help. Horseback riding lessons seem to be a hit (Imagine my glee when after the first lesson they decided that ***** needed a more stubborn horse...). Kid Nation was good too. Cooking helps the math and lets you show off a good thing to the neighbors, plus there is that smelling and tasting thing. Snow, mud, slugs, worms....baseball and basketball with one half of the neighborhood and bless the little girls across the alley and their hours of imaginative make believe - they don't know it, but they are helping him fill in voids. "

I know there are many of you out there with ideas of your own from which all of us would benefit. Please feel free to leave them in the comments box or email me at radmoms@hotmail.com I will only share what you are OK with. I will not share any personal information.

thanks,
Brenda

Healthy Attachments

We all feel and hope we have healthy attachments with our family members. How did that happen? What caused it? I never even thought about it before RAD. There are some great books on bonding with your baby:
http://www.attachment.org/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=attachment&Product_Code=144&Category_Code=parentinftodd

On bonding with your toddler:
http://www.attachment.org/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=attachment&Product_Code=145&Category_Code=BOOKSTODD

This is an excellent site on attaching activities with your child. Click on parenting.

http://www.kuddlekids.com/

And this site has a long list of articles on Nurturing Activities.

http://www.attachmentdisorder.net/Nurturing_Activities.htm

This last article speaks of the 3 key ingredients in attachment:

http://www.athealth.com/consumer/farticles/Wesselmann.html

The time and effort we put into attaching to our child will help them in all future relationships as well as their relationship with us. They will feel more secure and be better adults. It is hard to put this positive aspect into parenting RAD children because they often become so abrasive when we try. We have to look past it and do it anyway. As a good friend of mine says "Fake it til you make it."

Symptoms

Here are the symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder:

Intense control battles, very bossy and argumentative; defiance and anger•Resists affection on parental terms•Lack of eye contact, especially with parents - will look into your eyes when lying•Manipulative - superficially charming and engaging•Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers•Poor peer relationships•Steals•Lies about the obvious•Lack of conscience - shows no remorse•Destructive to property, self and/or others•Lack of impulse control•Hypervigilant/Hyperactive•Learning lags/delays•Speech and language problems•Incessant chatter and/or questions•Inappropriately demanding and/or clingy•Food issues - hordes, gorges, refuses to eat, eats strange things, hides food•Fascinated with fire, blood, gore, weapons, evil•Very concerned about tiny hurts but brushes off big hurts•Parents appear hostile and angry•The child was neglected and/or physically abused in the first three years of life

If your child has one or two of these symptoms it doesn't mean they have RAD. A child can have attachment issues without having the full blown RAD. If you look at this list and feel uneasy because it sounds too much like your child it is probably time to have them evaluated by an Attachment Therapist. A list of Attachment therapists by state can be found at this website: http://www.attachment.org/Findtherp.htm Above all don't panic. The treatment for RAD is difficult but effective. It can work if you persist! We have walking living proof in our home! Yes. There are setbacks. But we are not in the same place we were at all a year ago and are still amazed every day at the changes in our child. If your child has attachment issues there are many many books on bonding. One website that has wonderful nurturing activities is http://www.attachmentdisorder.net/Nurturing_Activities.htm

We are teaching our children to trust. At least trying too. : ) So as an example, we need to trust God to give us the wisdom, strength and resources that we need to parent our children effectively. Always have hope. When you don't have enough hope, find those around you who do and get strength and hope from them!