Nonsense Questions

We don't have so much of the nonsense chatter any more. We sometimes get the nonsense questions but not to the extent we used too. I thought I'd share some ways that helps us.

Constant questions:

Our kids generally have a lot of anxiety in the car. I assume it is because they were moved so much and it brings up the "Where are they taking me?" feelings of long ago. So the questions would start firing. We have a "No questions in the car" rule. So when they say "When we get home can I go outside? What is for dinner? Why is that man limping?" I simply said "No questions in the car?" If that did not stop them I'd say "If you ask me in the car the answer will be the opposite of what you want. Would you like for me to go ahead and answer or do you want to wait until we get home?"  If you do feel they are having anxiety I think it is good to play soothing music, happy music and sing. That would improve the mood or cause them to quiet at least. I only have a "Mom voice" when it comes to singing but it has always had a very calming effect on them. I think it is because when they first came at ages 3 and 6 I sang to them and roked them every night.

One of the boys was SO caught up in asking questions morning to night we had to limit him to 8 questions a day. That is how many we would answer. So it went something like this:

"Why is that car green?"
"The person must like green cars. That is 1 question."
After 8 questions we'd say "I'm sorry you are out of questions for today. Ask tomorrow."

It was not long before he'd say "Why.....wait. I dont want to waste a question on that."

"Way to think things through kiddo. Great job"

Nonsense Questions:

Nonsense questions get nonsense answers. So when dad walks past and Bear says "Hi dad", Dad says hi as he is walking up the stairs. Then Bear would say "Where is dad?" To which I'd reply "Down stairs".  Bear would smile and say "Noooooooooooooo he is not." I'd just say "Oh."

Or if we are shopping and see a pair of pants and they say "What is that?" I'd say "A shirt." They always smiled because they always knew.

Don't make a big deal out of the questions. Dont' try to force them to tell you that they already know. Lighten up and move on. When they don't get attention for it they lose interest.  Never, never, never quit!

Nonsense

State swim champions! Fish is second from left.

Me & Eagle

We had the state swim meet yesterday. Our son, Fish, was 3rd in the 500 yd freestyle and 4th in the 200 yd freestyle. Pretty good for a sophmore. We are excited about his hard working paying off. He is a great kid and we are even more excited about that. Taz actually did pretty well. We all stopped at Olive Garden for dinner and ate with the team. I obviously need to use cloth napkins at home once in awhile. Taz immediately spread his out and used it for a place mat. Bear asked if we were going to take them home or leave them there. Which takes me to the whole playing dumb line of thought. There was a lot of nonstop nonsense chatter on Bear's part. Statements while we are at the restaurant like "We're in luck. The swim team is eating here too." "There's a TV camera". "Look the swim meet is on TV" (out in the hall). All things obviously we can all see and know. Do they do these things on purpose? I think sometimes their brains are so on overload and they are so caught up in the danger of every place that they actually miss a lot of what is going on around them. So they don't think these things through but just blurt it out as they notice it. I often say that Bear says out loud the things we think. If you think about driving down the road and the thoughts you have, his are all verbalized. "Look at that sign." "A green car" "25 degrees". I point out to them sometimes that this is what is happening. We all have those thoughts but we learn the self control not to say them all out loud. They need practice. They need understanding. We also have to be careful not to read manipulation and control into every action. Parenting a child with RAD is such hard work. But then you know that. Have a healing day!

Persistent Nonsense Questions & Chatter

Oh my goodness have we ever experienced this one?!?!?! It generally starts with nonsense chatter. "Look at that car. I have a green shirt. I'm taller than this kid in my class. His name is Eric or Tom or something. I'm going to play outside when I get home. I don't like green beans." This is all said very quickly and with no space or thought in between. If I ignore it then they move into the questions. "What color do you think that is? What are we having for supper? Why was Hitler mean? What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?" Also said quickly with no thought in between. There are several reasons for this kind of talking. One is for control. If they dominate and control the conversation it makes them feel in charge. Another reason is anxiety. The hyper vigilence causes them to be nervous and this produces nonstop talking. We've all had this feeling now and then. Just not every day. Several times a day. Then you throw in the lack of empathy or caring about another's feelings and you have this self centered self absorbed thought process. Here are some of the ways I have handled it. Nonsense chatter: I some times start doing it back. "Hey Did you know I have absolutely nothing to say but I am so nervous and anxious I just can't stop talking. So I go on and on and on forever and ever. I might not ever stop." Said exactly the way they do it. They usually start laughing and run away. I follow and then we are all laughing. Often this happens in the car though. I have explained to them what nonsense chatter is and why they do it. Some times I just say "Nonsense Chatter." And they know and stop. For nonsense questions: I have limited them to 8 questions a day. They start off blowing the whole 8 in the first 5 minutes of the day. The answer to every question after that is the opposite of whatever they want it to be. It doesn't take long before they say "Wait. I am not wasting a question on that." So when they say "What color is that car?" I say " I think it is a shade of green. That is 1 question." "What are we having for supper?" "Spaghetti. That is 2 questions." And so on. Another way to handle it is to give an absurd answer especially if it is an absurd question. They may see dad walk by and go into the basement and then say "Is dad at work?" So I say "Yes". They laugh and say "No he went into the basement. " "Oh". This is one of those behaviors that you really can turn into laughter if you lighten up and don't take it too seriously. Have fun with it.