The Russian Adoption News Story

The adoption world is abuzz with talk about the child who was sent back to Russia. The details of what all went on in the home are still being investigated.  Here are my thoughts on it.  RAD is so hard. There have been times I have regretted adopting.(those times are fleeting!) There have been times I have searched for a residential placement. I believe that there are times when disruption of an adoption is appropriate.  It is never appropriate to abandon a child.  ATTACH has issued a statement

"Support for Adoptive Families


The Association for Treatment and Training in the Attachment of Children (ATTACh)

advocates for improved treatment services for children who have experienced significant

traumas early in life that affect their attachment to a parent. Nationally based, ATTACH

is a unique organization comprised of mental health therapists, parents, child welfare

professionals and other child advocates.

Sadly, many parents throughout the world lack the resources and ability to provide the

safe, nurturing environment needed by all children during infancy and childhood to

promote normal development. As a result, their foundation for healthy development is

damaged so that they have difficulty forming loving, lasting, close relationships. These

children can suffer from insecurity in their attachment relationships, and, in the most

severe cases, from disturbances and disorders of attachment. Parents, teachers, and others

in helping roles can find that children with this condition are less responsive to direction,

less eager to please and more aggressive. These children may be at increased risk for

serious psychological problems in adolescence and adulthood.

Families who adopt children through international adoption or the foster care system often

need a great deal of information, education, support and services to help maintain the

placement or help families make good choices for treatment or alternative care.

ATTACh is a source of publications, education and support as well as a referral service to

clinicians knowledgeable of attachment and trauma-focused therapy. Proper diagnosis,

treatment and support will help change the future for these children, their families - and our

society."

My interpretation of this is that we, as adoptive families, are here to support one another and encourage each other. If anything this sad story should spur us on to educate and reach out.  Yes. We as moms need support. We need to find it out but I think we also have a responsibility to reach out to other families as well.

Have a healing day!

Adult Attachment Disorder

This is a subject I haven't lived with. But Bear is 16 and fast approaching adulthood. I see on my stat counter that often this is a topic that is googled. So I thought I'd dig around a little and see what I can find. What I find is that living with an adult with attachment disorder would be a tough tough life. This first information is from Evergreen Consultants. I bet anything people with adult attachment disorder are diagnosed with personality disorders. It would be tough to tell the difference. I think, as a mom observer, the key is looking at what lies underneath. What started it all? Was there some form of abandonment or severe neglect especially in the first 3 years of life?

"Unresolved childhood attachment issues leave an adult vulnerable to difficulties in forming secure adult relationships. Patterns of attachment continue through the life cycle and across generations. New relations are affected by the expectations developed in past relationships. There is a strong correlation between insecure adult attachment and marital dissatisfaction and negative marital interactions. If an adult does not feel safe with others, he/she will tend to be either rejecting of their partner or overly clingy. Attachment problems are often handed down transgenerationally unless someone breaks the chain. As a parent, an insecurely attached adult may lack the ability to form a strong attachment to their child and provide the necessary attachment cues required for the healthy emotional development of the child thereby predisposing their child to a lifetime of relationship difficulties. Depending on the genetic personality style of the individual and the early life events experienced, insecurely attached adults fall in one of two categories of insecure attachment:
AVOIDANT
Intense anger and loss
Hostile
Critical of others
Sensitive to blame
Lack of empathy
Views others as untrustworthy
Views others as undependable
Views self as unlovable or "too good" for others
Relationships feel either threatening to one's sense of control, not worth the effort, or both
Compulsive self-reliance
Passive withdrawal
Low levels of perceived support
Difficulty getting along with co-workers, often preferring to work alone
Work may provide a good excuse to avoid personal relations
Fear of closeness in relationships
Avoidance of intimacy
Unlikely to idealize the love relationship
Tendency toward Introjective depression (self critical)
ANXIOUS/AMBIVALENT
Compulsive Care giving
Feel over involved and under appreciated
Rapid relationship breakups
Idealizing of others
Strong desire for partner to reciprocate in relationship
Desire for extensive contact and declarations of affections
Over invests his/her emotions in a relationship
Perceives relationships as imbalanced
Relationship is idealized
Preoccupation with relationship
Dependence on relationship
Heavy reliance on partner
Views partner as desirable but unpredictable (sometimes available, sometimes not)
Perceives others as difficult to understand
Relationship is primary method by which one can experience a sense of security
Unlikely to view others as altruistic
Sensitive to rejection
Discomfort with anger
Extreme emotions
Jealous
Possessive
Views self as unlovable
Suicide attempts
Mood swings
Tendency toward anaclitic depression (dependent depression) "

Here is a site with an adult attachment disorder support group.

"You say you are struggling; many with depression, anxiety, self mutilation, sadness, a loss of self worth, lonely, and feelings of just not being good enough. So why put hearts on a site where people are suffering and lonely? The hearts are there to remind you that people really do love you and care about you. You are not alone and you really are lovable. Really! I'll say that again in case you missed that. You really are lovable! So when you are feeling lonely, sad, depressed, or thinking you are not worthy, remember the hearts, you are lovable!
Here you will find adults working at overcoming attachment disorder, adults who have overcome attachment disorder, or adults who have relationships with someone who has attachment disorder."

The Institute for Attachment & Child Development has excellent information but their site is copyrighted so here is a link: http://www.instituteforattachment.org/adult_intensives.htm

If you live with someone who has Attachment Disorder as an adult there is hope. I have a dear friend who has a relative who began her healing from RAD in her 60s and is doing very well. ALL things are possible. Never give up hope. Be determined to find the help you and your family need.

Adult Attachment Disorder

If a child with RAD does not receive treatment or does receive treatment but does not heal they will have adult attachment disorder.

Here are some websites:

http://www.attachmentdisorder.net/Adult_Attachment_Problems.htm

http://www.attachmenttherapy.com/adult.htm

http://www.instituteforattachment.org/articles/article_17.htm

All of us have some attachment issues related to either the parenting we received, illness as a child, poor daycare as a child, breakups as a young adult, divorce or death of loved ones. Our experiences from our past give us varying abilities love, trust and feel safe with other people.