Sharing memories and RAD

On the way to our outings today I talked about some of the boys old photos. This lead to words they said incorrectly such as Flumb for thumb when they were little. We also talked about funny things that happened when they were younger. They loved it so much they kept asking for more after we ran out.

If you have the chance dig through the photos of when your kids first came and reminisce about when they were younger. It was a good time of laughter.

Have a healing weekend. And thank you to any veterans out there on this Memorial Day weekend for what you have done for us. I do so appreciate the freedom we have in great part because of what you have done.

Using your families past to heal RAD

I have been sorting photos. It is time to start working on some scrapbooks for Bear and Fish. I have started but I am a long way from done. It is not one of my favorite activities. I am not crafty. Anyway while sorting I came across photos of when the boys were little. We began visits with them on Labor Day almost 11 years ago. They moved in on Dec. 4. They were 3 , 6 and 6 at the time. They were soooooooooooo cute.

Looking through the old photos was good for me for a couple of reasons. It really brought back the warm fuzzies as I looked at them sitting on my lap at various holidays and family events. I realized what a long family history we do have with them.

Then I wondered how much of the time do I talk about this. I need to talk about "remember when..." fondly with them. "Remember our family trip to Minnesota and we went to the zoo and saw the koalas?" They need to hear we value those times. Yes. I know. I know. They sabotaged many family times over the years. We can still find events that were meaningful and talk about them.

Tomorrow we have some outings planned. I will stick the camera in my purse and take photos when I can. They need to know I value time together. Taz and Bear will fight. They will try to aggravate. I will say "Cheeeeese". Building memories with our cameras, making scrapbooks and reminiscing. Very bonding for them and for me.

RAD and the Holidays

Holidays are difficult time for children with RAD. It is a change in routine. Possibly a change in location as you go to someone elses house for few days and possibly a stirring of memories. A change in routine is difficult for our kids because it makes them anxious about what is happening next. Where are we going? Will I stay there? The memories of past holidays that were not so good can come to mind. As everyone sits around talking about "remember when", they probably were not there so feel left out. They often feel undeserving of good things so it brings them shame and guilt. We try not to give to much advance notice of things going on as this seems to only prolong the anxiety. As we approach grandmas house we give some basic guidelines for behavior: Walk in the house, if you need anything only ask mom or dad (big problem here with asking others for things they know they can't have/do, or not wanting need met by mom) and keeping the child with the most serious issues close at hand. I also generally pack quiet activities for them to do if we are going someplace where I know there is nothing for them to do. I'd rather sit and play a quiet game with them (I hate board games) then have total chaos break out so that is what I do if needed. It would be nice if we could just go off and hang out with the family and not worry but that is not realistic. So, time for us to remember our special childen's needs and meet them. Tag team with hubby so you each get some family time or include family members in your quiet activity, but keep your child with RAD feeling as safe as possible.