That's RAD

This morning in the car I told my boys the arrangements for after school. I have a seminar I have to attend for school in the late afternoon. I told Bear I would be back in time for Parent Teacher Conferences at the high school and would come pick him up. I've never taken him with me before but I know I am going to hear about some problems. I've found in the past when I come home and relay the information to him he just denies it all. So I want the teachers to tell him and it can be his job instead of mine. When I told him I'd pick him up when I got back to town his reaction was SOO RAD. "I hope you don't come during dinner." I told him if he was eating I would wait. How sad to still be so concerned your mom isn't going to let you eat. There isn't going to be food. No one can be trusted. Sometimes I get so angry with birth mom for what she put them through. But then that does no good and gives me a bad attitude. I have to forgive her and move on. The basis of RAD, why our kids have it, is so ugly.

Abnormal Eating Patterns

Actually lack of conscience is next but I want to do a little research on that one before I say anything. So I am skipping today to abnormal eating patterns. Children with RAD sometimes see food as way to control adults. We become way to emotional about food. I guess that is part of the reason so many of us battle our weight. They know if they want to freak out mom just refuse to eat or sit and eat unusual amounts until it is all gone. They will come home from school and say "No one else wanted their hot dog so they gave it to me." I ask how many. "14". Now whether that is true I don't know because they are also chronic liers but it would not surprise me. Then they often feel sick and have a headache. Hoarding food: It is not unusual for me to buy a box of ice cream bars and have the entire box disappear in a few hours. I find wrappers hidden in their rooms of things they have taken. I once had an entire box of Slim Fast bars disappear over night. They can be extremely picky and refuse to eat most foods. You cannot control what they eat completely. Many people give them a baggy of food to keep in their rooms. Food cannot become emotional for you or it becomes a bigger deal for them. If mine are hoarding in between meals and not eating at meal time I cut out snacks and start watching them more carefully in between meals. They are also sometimes trying to fill an emotional void with food. It is good during snuggle time to feed them sweets from your hand to their mouths. Anything somewhat like mother's milk is good: vanilla ice cream, caramels. That was hard for me because I am big on my kids have nutritional meals. This is an important part of their healing because it takes them back to infancy and nursing. So spend some time snuggling your child, laughing, singing nursery rhymes and feed them sweets while you do it. They will also during meal times let food fall from their mouths, chew loudly and do their best to gross you out. I just say "You are using bad manners. You can come back and eat when we are all done." Then they can go sit on the couch until we are done and come back when we are finished. Food is a big control battle if you let it become one. Tell yourself repeatedly that it is not that big a deal and that you don't care. Good luck!