Guilt

Guilt is a tough issue for most moms, especially for mom's of children with RAD. After my post about Snuggling yesterday I did not do it. My child is so angry and we had some major issues yesterday. I was pretty angry and did not attempt a snuggle time. Then there is the guilt for not even trying. Instead of using my tool box I just became afraid myself and was angry. Fear is under the anger. I am afraid for his future. Today I got up and asked myself what would be different about today. I am going to try a couple of things. I began with prayer for forgiveness for some of yesterday's problems and then for guidance. I am going to use my positive self talk today. This consists of 6 things to remember. 1) First don't take his behavior personally.
2) Ask myself what his fear is. He is not angry with me but is so very afraid of love. I think he is afraid he cannot do it now that therapy is over. We will talk again about this. 3)Remember the scared little boy inside the monster suit. 4)Take care of myself. I did not work out yesterday or the day before. I must do that today and take some time alone. Make sure I set aside a quiet time. 5)Think logically. Do not allow emotions to rule my thoughts. I have been taught the tools to parent this child. Use them. 6) Take care of the healthy relationships in my life. Focus on those more of the time. This plan gives me strength. I hope you are feeling strong. I hope you find strength today too. ""For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." (2 Tim. 1:7)

Guilt - The Perfume of Motherhood

Yes. It really stinks. But we just keep spraying it on. "Bad grade on a test". Spray some on. " No one likes me." Spray some on. Some how we mothers tend to think a lot of our children's problems are our fault! Not good. How much better to let them experience lifes difficulties. Everyone has them. And let them see that they really are smart enough to handle it and work it out on their own. You are there for guidance if they really need it.....But then let's throw in a little RAD. Here is a child that doesn't like themselves. Is unattached to anyone. Is absolutely miserable. How much guilt does that bring to a mom? Some days I can stand back and see the whole picture and realize it has absolutely nothing to do with me. I am doing what I need to do to help him heal. Other days I play the "If only" game. If only I hugged more, praised more, kept my mouth shut more. So for today. I'll put away the guilt perfume and let him make this his experience. At times when he is ready to work I am ready too. On days or moments when he is not I can quietly handle it and be strong. On days when I am not strong I need to have the sense to take some "mom" time and keep the lips still. So ladies. Put away that stinky perfume. It doesn't help anyone!!