Most of us realize if we insult a friend they will be angry with us. If we do not clean our homes we should not invite people over and show them every room. A child with RAD does not realize that their behavior will result in a specific thing happening. They will have an absolute fit and then ask for a new bike within seconds. They will punch someone and be completely surprised that this bothers you. There are several reasons for this. One is the chaotic background they were born into. One time if they cried as a toddler they were picked up, one time scolded, one time hit. The adults in their lives were so inconsistent that it was impossible to guess what would happen next. Another is the trauma once again caused parts of the brain to miss development. Not everything is as mature as it should be nor as connected in their brains as in an emotionally healthy brain. Punishment and consequences do not fix this. Because they won't figure out that their behavior resulted in the punishment or consequence. The best thing to do for us has been Love & Logic parenting. Foster Cline wrote a book by that title that is excellent. It gives a way of parenting that puts the responsibility back onto the child to make wise choices. If they do not make wise choices they have to live with the natural and sometimes supernatural consequences of that choice. Great book!
