What do you do with your feelings?

Raising children with reactive attachment disorder can be emotionally draining for the mom. We can feel like failures. We feel unloved and sometimes unlovable. We say things we regret. We regret we don't say things. We do not feel understood. We feel alone. Our homes have been physically destroyed. We worry about what we have done to our other children, to our spouses, to ourselves.

Do any of those thoughts sound familiar? At one point they sounded like me. Sure. There are times when one of the thoughts pops into my head but not for long. I went to Attachment therapy where I did feel understood and heard. There I also learned about caring for myself.

One of my problems was emotional eating. This has been a battle for a long time but it became much worse after the boys came and we began to deal with RAD.

I figured out that I ate when I was sad, when I was stressed, when I was angry. Rather than deal with my "ugly" feelings I ate them. Of course, the good feeling was only for a moment and then I felt even worse so would eat more to make the feeling go away again.

First of all, acknowledge that you are eating your feelings rather than dealing with them.

Then start talking. Find a friends, a therapist, a pastor, but start talking. You need to learn to let it out and deal with what is going on inside.

Find an alternative. Once you have started talking find something else to do with those feelings. Exercise, prayer, prayer while you exercise, a hobby, a place in your room where you can go to read. Down load books from online at your local library for free on to your MP3 player and go listen. Take care of yourself, your body, soul and spirit.

When I started taking care of my body I found that I felt better. Good food gives energy, junk food drains it. Being overweight made me sluggish, being in better shape (not as good as I want) gives me energy and widens the number of activities I can do. Feeling physically strong also makes me emotionally stronger because I don't get so tired.

Realize that food is not your friend. It is merely nutrition, fuel to get the job done. Would you put junk food in the gas tank of your car? Hardly. Our job is tough. Take care of the machine God gave you to do it with. Have a healing day for you!

Feeling our kids feelings

I have trouble with feeling my kids feelings. Now with "normal" kids this hasn't been such a big deal. Most of the time they feel pretty good. When they have a down day I feel a little down but try to help them if I can. RAD feelings are different because they are so out of proportionately big. When A was feeling anger it was OK because I would sometimes feel it but mostly realized how it was really not what the issue was. Now he is moving into sadness. Oh me Oh my. I am battling this. I see the sadness in his eyes. Here it in his voice. I can tell in his constant load of body aches and pains. And I have to be very careful not to sink into it. This is a time which could last quite awhile as we deal with it. I am going to have to constantly remind myself to pull back from his sadness and look at him from a little further back. Motherhood is not for sissies.