Fear Eating

A couple of posts ago I talked about emotional eating. If I stop and think about it my emotional eating is next to nothing compared to what I see happening with Bear. The other day it was cold and crisp here in Nebraska. I decided to fill the 6 qt crock pot to the top with chili and made a big 9 x13 of cornbread. We ate a little early before Taz had swim team, I went to Zumba class and Bear went to the Y. We went from there to parent teacher conferences.

When we arrived home Taz said he was a little hungry so I said to go ahead and he could have another bowl of chili if he'd like. I went upstairs and when I came down Bear had 3 more bowls and I don't know how many pieces of cornbread. He had then taken the pot of chili to his room and was going to finish the rest in his room with the door shut. That my friend, is emotional eating.

The fear of hunger, the fear of not being taken care of, the fear of no love, fear of not enough....it is so deep. It is so sad.

What do you do with your feelings?

Raising children with reactive attachment disorder can be emotionally draining for the mom. We can feel like failures. We feel unloved and sometimes unlovable. We say things we regret. We regret we don't say things. We do not feel understood. We feel alone. Our homes have been physically destroyed. We worry about what we have done to our other children, to our spouses, to ourselves.

Do any of those thoughts sound familiar? At one point they sounded like me. Sure. There are times when one of the thoughts pops into my head but not for long. I went to Attachment therapy where I did feel understood and heard. There I also learned about caring for myself.

One of my problems was emotional eating. This has been a battle for a long time but it became much worse after the boys came and we began to deal with RAD.

I figured out that I ate when I was sad, when I was stressed, when I was angry. Rather than deal with my "ugly" feelings I ate them. Of course, the good feeling was only for a moment and then I felt even worse so would eat more to make the feeling go away again.

First of all, acknowledge that you are eating your feelings rather than dealing with them.

Then start talking. Find a friends, a therapist, a pastor, but start talking. You need to learn to let it out and deal with what is going on inside.

Find an alternative. Once you have started talking find something else to do with those feelings. Exercise, prayer, prayer while you exercise, a hobby, a place in your room where you can go to read. Down load books from online at your local library for free on to your MP3 player and go listen. Take care of yourself, your body, soul and spirit.

When I started taking care of my body I found that I felt better. Good food gives energy, junk food drains it. Being overweight made me sluggish, being in better shape (not as good as I want) gives me energy and widens the number of activities I can do. Feeling physically strong also makes me emotionally stronger because I don't get so tired.

Realize that food is not your friend. It is merely nutrition, fuel to get the job done. Would you put junk food in the gas tank of your car? Hardly. Our job is tough. Take care of the machine God gave you to do it with. Have a healing day for you!

Mama's Emotional Eating

This last winter I gained 10 lbs again. Argh. I hate that. The majority of it is due to emotional eating. I do still work out regularly. It is my stress reliever. I need to work out like I need oxygen. It is nice enough for me to walk now and I find the fresh air invigorating.

Then there is the eating. I will work at getting it under control and slowly and gradually instead of talking and praying about my feelings I turn back to food. Pretty weird since it really gives nothing back. It is a vicious cycle too. I eat because I am upset. I gain weight. I am upset. I eat. I have been working hard the last couple of weeks at getting back into a healthy way of talking and dealing with my emotions. It is hard when you are a quieter person to seek people out. It is hard when you are a private person to open up about failures and frustrations. We need to do it if we want to be healthy.

I find that when I am at a healthy weight and am exercising I have more energy. I feel stronger. When I feel more energetic and stronger I tend to relate to other people better, including my children. Maybe it isn't a problem for you all but it is once again the focus of my battle. Here we go again!

Emotional Eating

A friend of mine brought up the subject of weight and how it relates to RAD. Maybe some of you have this all figured out and are doing well. I am copying and pasting my story from my website for todays post.

"Our boys joined us almost 10 years ago. While I knew that adding 3 boys with "label's" attached would add to the stress of parenting . I had no idea how much.
As they grew and changed from hyperactive kindergartners and a preschooler to teens the difficult behaviors grew also, mainly in 2 of them, (age 15) and (age 12). We went through a list of psychiatrists, counselors, therapists, doctors, and psychologists. Each gave them a "label" of some sort or a new medication. All of these things only improved behavior for a short time or not at all.
During this time the stress of feeling that if only I did the right thing ' read the right book, found the right doctor, talked to the right person' I could fix them began to take its toll. I began to eat when stressed and over the next few years gained about 35 lb.
My husband and I went on a cruise. When the photos came back I was horrified and knew it was time to do something. I joined Weight Watchers and lost the 35 lb. There are many great programs out there and I am not suggesting this is the only way. I am saying that food is not our friend. It is fuel. It is here to give us energy and strength that is all. Eating emotionally lead me in a vicious circle. I would eat to feel better, gain weight, feel worse, eat.
Now when I am tired I look at my diet. Did I have the protein at lunch that I needed. Am I drinking enough water to keep from being dehydrated? Gaining control of emotional eating is a big battle for me. I still attend Weight Watcher meetings weekly or I fall back into this pattern again."

You know, nothing has changed for me and eating. We were going to therapy on my Weight Watchers night. Now that we are not going to therapy I have started back to Weight Watchers. I missed my friends there and I missed the support. When I am at a healthy weight and feeling physically strong I also feel emotionally stronger. I think I just don't wear out as fast. If this is a battle for you I hope you will find a plan that will work for you. I don't believe in diets and quick fixes. I think it has to be a life style change you can live with from this point on. I choose to live on Weight Watchers plan the rest of my life. It is the only way I can maintain my weight. I want to be healthy for my children, my husband and for myself. I feel better when I am. Also see: Weight Watchers (3)

Weight Watchers and Reactive Attachment Disorder

What do they have in common? Quite a bit actually. I have learned numerous tools in Weight Watchers that have helped me with parenting my children with RAD. I assume because losing weight and parenting emotionally disturbed children are both matters of the mind. So here are the 7 tools of Weight Watchers and how I use them.

1. Reframing: Learning to picture situation in a different way.

WW: Instead of "I can't have that food." "I choose not to eat that food."

RAD: Instead of "My child is full of rage." "My child is ill."

2. Positive self talk: Instead of having allowing the negative thoughts to dominate, talk to yourself positively

WW: "You are strong enough to do this. It will be worth it"

RAD: "ditto" : )

3. Motivating strategy: Find what motivates you and use it

WW: For me, getting physically fit was a big motivation.

RAD: See my child learn to love, trust and feel safe is huge.

4. Anchoring: Find your inner strength

WW: I find spiritual strength in God, physical strength from exercise, emotional strength in friends.

RAD: "ditto"

5. Storyboarding: Walk through the steps or "story" of how this should look.

WW: Before an event create a plan. Each day have a plan of how I want my eating to be scheduled. For me it helps to plan the food for the entire day and stick with it.

RAD: Learning how I should respond and also some proactive parenting behaviors for myself in attachment therapy and in books has helped.

6. Mental Rehearsing: Practice it. Believe it.

WW: For example, if you are going to be around a food pusher, practice what you will say to them.

RAD: Practice positive responses and behaviors to his negative behavior.

7. Empowering beliefs: Believe that you can do this.

WW: Believe that weight loss will happen.

RAD: Believe your child will heal.

I hope these will help you. They are also called Winning Outcomes. Know that you will reach your goal if you follow these steps. If we don't believe, who will?

Emotional Eating

This is huge. What am I saying? This makes me huge! Emotional Eating has been a constant battle for me for the last nine years. At one point I had gained 34 lb. Above is my before and after photos. I have lost it through Weight Watchers but I still need to go to the meetings every week to keep from falling back into it. Guess its my AA only the addiction is food. A child with RAD starts screaming and I start reaching for chocolate. So here is what I try hard to do now. Exercise every day and pour my stress into my work out. I try to get mad as I start. It makes a ginormous difference (thanks for the word Renee). I take time for myself. I talk it out. I do this blog. I pray. Food is not our friend it is only fuel. Sooooo as I battle my emotions today, I will pray for the strength to make wise choices about what fuel I choose. A few of my favorite diet/exercise websites are: http://www.weightwatchers.com/ http://www.dwlz.com/ and http://www.fitnessmagazine.com/