You are a great mom!

I would hear that when my girls were little. When our boys came I'd hear it sometimes but also got the eye rolls, the glares and the looks of shock when we were out and about. When pushing the cart through the grocery store, Taz then 3, would roll off a string of words that would make a sailor blush.  When at the play ground mine would be the ones to shove people down. The school would call and one of them had punched someone again. It is hard on a mom.  We work harder on these kids than we ever had to with our emotionally healthy kids and get worn down.

It does not change that you are a great mom.  The dented walls, scratched car, torn clothes, they do not reflect you. They reflect pain.  Our kids are hurting inside. They were neglected or abused when they were little and their brains were changed.  Rewiring takes time.  Keep going. Empathy, gentle touch and loving words DO work.  Spend time doing some little thing, coloring, watching a Christmas movie. Oh by the way, there are continuous movies on TLC right now that are as sappy as you can get. I watched one with Teddy the other day and he was touched by it. You never know what will speak to them. They will grow up and leave one day. We have to believe we are empacting their lives.  Even those who don't show it much are going to grow up and leave and are still having that Ah Ha moment in their lives. I still have them about things, don't you?

So this Christmas give yourself a present. The present of happiness. It is a choice. You are doing a great job. Remember to care for your body, soul and spirit. This is tough work that can wear you down. Never, never, never quit!

Guilt - The Perfume of Motherhood

Yes. It really stinks. But we just keep spraying it on. "Bad grade on a test". Spray some on. " No one likes me." Spray some on. Some how we mothers tend to think a lot of our children's problems are our fault! Not good. How much better to let them experience lifes difficulties. Everyone has them. And let them see that they really are smart enough to handle it and work it out on their own. You are there for guidance if they really need it.....But then let's throw in a little RAD. Here is a child that doesn't like themselves. Is unattached to anyone. Is absolutely miserable. How much guilt does that bring to a mom? Some days I can stand back and see the whole picture and realize it has absolutely nothing to do with me. I am doing what I need to do to help him heal. Other days I play the "If only" game. If only I hugged more, praised more, kept my mouth shut more. So for today. I'll put away the guilt perfume and let him make this his experience. At times when he is ready to work I am ready too. On days or moments when he is not I can quietly handle it and be strong. On days when I am not strong I need to have the sense to take some "mom" time and keep the lips still. So ladies. Put away that stinky perfume. It doesn't help anyone!!