Thursday, February 14, 2008

Do As I Say and Not As I Do

One lesson I have learned while being the mom of children with RAD is that I do not learn my lessons very well. I have read and reread my blog from yesterday. And still the reaction to Valentine's Day is to be hurt and be defensive. In my head I often know why my children say what they say. I know why they do what they do. I tell myself to be calm and not take it personally. This is about birth mom not about me. And yet my heart says "ouch". Our attachment therapist and I discussed this very thing a few sessions ago. Parenting all of our children means taking our hearts out and allowing them to become vulnerable. To be hurt. Parenting children with RAD means we are willing to take our hearts out and have them stomped on. It is ok. I am strong enough to take the stomping. It hurts and I don't like it. I don't always react correctly. We need to allow ourselves to be human. To say "I'm sorry. I should not have said that." and move on. We have the strength to move on because we know WHY they said it. They said it because they were afraid or sad, usually. So, I guess the lesson for today is "Don't try and be super mom." It is ok just to be me and keep trying.


Renee said...

And here I thought I was the only one that blows up and then has to apologize for it. Valentine's Day has never been an issue for us - Mother's Day - Now that one kills me.

Tami Boesiger said...

One day at a time, friend, one day at a time. I can't imagine how you hold it together as much as you do.