One of the issues many children with RAD have is making false allegations. There are some parental behaviors, that if we are completely honest, make this more complicated. When we are worn down or overwhelmed we do not always make wise choices. The one incident at the zoo today was an excellent example. When Alex was yelling in my face the appropriate thing to do was either just ignore the loud behavior, attempt a hug or hand on the shoulder or just say he is safe and doesn't need to be afraid. The physical contact, even though it did not hurt, was not hard and was not intended to hurt, was seen as aggressive by him . He is always defensive. He is always looking for someone to hurt him or let him down. There have been times even when it is an accident, such as stepping on the back of someones shoe or running into each other coming around a corner. Even these are seen as intentional aggression by him much of the time. There are times when a child makes false allegations and the parent knows there isn't even an incident for this to stem from.
It is hard to love children who push away so hard. I tried talking to Bear about the incident earlier but he has no interest in having a logical conversation. My next step is to use the BC method of going and apologizing for frightening him today. He is always safe. I will never hurt him.
Parenting these kids is hard. It is easy to second guess every move. It is easy to be self critical. We do however need to be honest when our behavior or reactions make things worse instead of better and try to address it within ourselves. It makes us better moms. It makes us better people.