The answers to the puzzle are above. They involve thinking outside the box. When we parent our kids with RAD we have to look at one lies under the behaviors. It is often fear, anxiety, or sadness. If we have to discipline it cannot be in the same way the "average" child (whatever that is) is disciplined. This is difficult for some people to understand. Really understanding what Reactive Attachment Disorder is helps. We have to realize that their brains are changed by the trauma from their past. Take the time to read everything you can about RAD and what the early break in attachment has done to them. The abuse and/or neglect only add to this. Look through the websites/books/articles I've mentioned to the right and in the labels. Educate yourself so that you can really understand where your child is coming from. If all you see is defiance and anger when you look at him/her learn more.
THEN you can start thinking outside the box in the ways in which you react to your child. It is worth the effort when you begin to witness them healing. It is worth the effort when you see yourself reacting differently because you understand what is going on!