Monday, November 10, 2008
Living with RAD
I'm not going to have much time to blog this week. I have a 300 question Psychopathology midterm next Monday. My current project is learning to live with Bear and his RAD until he is ready to heal or moves on which ever comes first. He has started back to Attachment therapy an hour and a half away every other week. With me going to classes 2 nights a week this is a major difficulty but I feel it has to be done considering his current frame of mind. I think maybe what we need to attack head on is his depression. Nothing has worked for it so far but I think we need to really focus on it before he is going to make any progress with the RAD. But my question for our therapist next time is going to be : What does living with a teen with RAD look like when you pull back and are not pushing the attachment issue any more? When you no longer are expecting any change soon and realize this is not the time for him, how do you get through each day with any sense of calm in your household? This is a big question to me. I'll let you know what he says. If any of you are dealing with an older teen who has not successfully attached after a long period of time, let me know your thoughts! Have a healing day!
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4 comments:
Have you tried MegaRed. It is omega3 and has worked great for both my depression and my son's bipolar. It works in days. And the source is krill so the pills are tiny but pack a lot of omega in them.
Linda N
Would you believe I have it in my cart at Amazon right now? I just need to go ahead and place the order.
I'm looking forward to reading your attachment therapist's reply.
Hey, I was diagnosed with RAD and was a 'problem child' and I just want to see if I can try to shed some light on your last questions.
What does living with a teen look like when you pull back? - I just want to say, my adoptive parents pulled back when I was teen, and I eventually ran away. It was like a message to me saying 'Oh look, I was right along. They really don't love me and here's the sign.' And I just want to say in my experience, I'm sorry I caused my adoptive family all the pain that I did, but I wish they had always kept up their 'consistantcy'. I too, hoped that there would be that breakthrough. I hope that you keep trying to make it known to your RAD teen that no feelings of love have changed. I was sort of an emotional wreck after running away, like 'what now?' and stumbled around confused. You're the best chance this boy's got. No matter how much he might imagine there's somebody else out there that might love him more and loving you is betraying that, the odds are that that's not likely.
When you no longer are expecting...? I'm not sure exactly, but you could look at it like these last few years with him is your 'golden hour' to prepare him for life. I know it must be one of the most frustrating, hardest things to do. And I wish I could take back the frustration I caused my adopted parents more than they will ever know.
I also just want to tell you that in my case, guilt has worked a miracle in me. I guess it is my compass. Maybe if you try being the victim and showing him how afraid you are and how much it hurts you, it will induce guilt and calm him down? Then again, if you feel like taht won't work, then it probably won't, as I'm a completely different person anyway. Also, the guilt never really worked with my adoptive parents (because ı thought they always thought I was the lowest of the low and were just 'dealing' with me), just people who already had high expectations of me did I feel guilty, when they inevitably found something 'wrong' with me.
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