Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Birth Mother Love

Yesterday Christine wrote a truly touching post about her children's birth mother. She has some exciting things going on with that relationship so I hope you will read it. I wanted to share some of my feelings when the situation is a little different and the children were taken because of abuse or neglect. It is easiest to become angry with women who hurt your child or did not take care of them and has left them with the scars of RAD. Some of that anger is probably justified but we have to dig deeper within ourselves. Our children's healing depends on it. Part of the way they think of themselves stems from how they feel about birthmom. If they see her as this evil person, then they think that some part of themselves must be evil as well. Be careful of speaking badly about her. If they are talking about their anger about what she did they need to understand it was wrong. They also need to understand that they are tied to her and a part of them will have a sense of belonging with her their whole lives. Tricky isn't it? If you can't sort through all this asking for some professional advice might be a good idea. I think it is that important for our kids. Regardless of what she did after the birth, she carried them in her womb for 9 months. They have her blood, heard her heart beat and her voice. Value this and be careful with this fragile relationship. Unlike Christine it is not safe for us to look for our boy's birth mom. She has a criminal history that would put us all in danger. We can still pray for her, talk about her and try to look at her through God's eyes instead of our own. Eventually it would be healthy if our children can forgive her. I think this takes some longer than others. We can model this ourselves by forgiving her and letting them know we have done so. Have a healing day.

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