Thursday, June 9, 2011

My Young Adult Radling.

Fish and Teddy will be 19 this month. In Nebraska the age of majority is 19. So we are in transition time. Fish will be going away to college in another state. Teddy, however, is transitioning into independent living. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. No stress. I'm working with 5 or so agencies and the list just keeps growing. He is going to get disability as an adult which will help. We are working with several agencies trying to get him a part time job. I do not know if this is possible and I do not know if he can stick with it if he gets one. As a young adult his mental health disorders have become so much more serious. I've learned more in the last year on transition than I thought possible. I'm working on finding him this wide variety of services in hopes of giving him a sufficient life as a young adult. Teddy has RAD. This means he still sees me as mean and untrustworthy. So he continues his "push mom away" behaviors in order to feel safe. Meanwhile he is stressed from the thought of living on his own. I assure him constantly that we will be right here. We are not going any where. We will be there to help and answer questions. We are not pushing him out of the nest and saying "Good luck". BUT he does not trust....So how can he believe this is true.

We are planning a family vacation later this summer. He is going. I have pointed out to him that we are inviting him along because we want him there. We do not have too any more. We could easily leave him at his home, which should be in place by then. But we WANT to take him along. This only makes him angry because he think I say this sort of thing to make him feel "bad". Strong emotions still go straight to sadness or fear. When I say "I want you there". He hears "You are so mean to me. You don't deserve it. You should feel bad."

RAD with a young adult child is a road we are just beginning. It will be difficult. It is what we do because we are parents who NEVER NEVER QUIT.


Trauma Mama said...

You are doing a great job! Best of luck as you go through this.

Ten Beautiful Years said...

Great job!

We had one beautiful vacation just before our young adult RADs had their major conjoined young-adult-meltdown.

We told the older of our two RADs that we LOVED her and were THRILLED work to go with us because we loved her so much and enjoyed spending time with her.

We also explained because of the numerous recent poor choices she had been making we had no peace about allowing her to remain in our home alone if she WASN'T able to get off work...

Yeah we were not even comfortable leaving state with her having a key to our home.

She really was on the brink and ready to blow. Had been living quite dangerously.

I'm so glad to hear you have such awesome services available to you!

Raindancer said...

We have had some great family vacations with our RAD child (we just had to remember to schedule in time for meltdowns).
Hope you have a fabulous time!!!!!

Robb S said...

We went on half a dozen mini family vacation adventures over the summer. My RADling pushed away through most of it...ugh. At least it was a somewhat refreshing escape for the rest of us.