All of us perceive the world based on our life experience and beliefs we have built over time. These beliefs may come from a mixture of that experience and the belief systems of those with whom we live and then as we get older, those with whom we spend our time.
For example, I tend to look at the world through rose colored glasses and I tend to be relaxed and low key most of the time. I can kick it in gear when necessary, such as work needing done, but don't tend to stress. I grew up with parents from the hills of the Ozarks. Many would say they had very hillbilly like childhoods. I hope so because to me, that carries a picture of very relaxed, simple people who enjoy the beauty of the world around them and each other.
Our children had their early years surrounded by trauma, neglect, and or abuse. To them the world is a dangerous place. Love is not to be trusted because people who love you hurt you. Love is not safe. Repeated trauma not only made this reality if it the very basis of their view of the world. It is hardwired into there brains just as deeply as is my own view of the world as a safe and loving place. Yes. there is danger but my shock and horror at crime and injustice comes from my belief that those things go so against my world view.
Our children expect to fail. They expect us to leave. They believe moms are dangerous as they are not to be trusted and break your heart.
We just keep loving them and telling them they are safe, love is good, they are worth loving. And then we demonstrate it daily. We don't feel it every day. We don't succeed every day. But then we get up and start again. We never, never quit.
For example, I tend to look at the world through rose colored glasses and I tend to be relaxed and low key most of the time. I can kick it in gear when necessary, such as work needing done, but don't tend to stress. I grew up with parents from the hills of the Ozarks. Many would say they had very hillbilly like childhoods. I hope so because to me, that carries a picture of very relaxed, simple people who enjoy the beauty of the world around them and each other.
Our children had their early years surrounded by trauma, neglect, and or abuse. To them the world is a dangerous place. Love is not to be trusted because people who love you hurt you. Love is not safe. Repeated trauma not only made this reality if it the very basis of their view of the world. It is hardwired into there brains just as deeply as is my own view of the world as a safe and loving place. Yes. there is danger but my shock and horror at crime and injustice comes from my belief that those things go so against my world view.
Our children expect to fail. They expect us to leave. They believe moms are dangerous as they are not to be trusted and break your heart.
We just keep loving them and telling them they are safe, love is good, they are worth loving. And then we demonstrate it daily. We don't feel it every day. We don't succeed every day. But then we get up and start again. We never, never quit.
5 comments:
I imagine the running dialogue going on in my child's head so I'm always working to counteract it - as much with what I do as what I say. I narrate our lives a lot to replace the stinking thinking going on in her trauma brain.
Thank you for more words that speak to me. I have to say recent days have made it so hard to get up and try again yet we do. People often comment how calm I seem amidst the chaos...I was a lucky little girl and she was not. I just hope I can help her find the path to love.
Some day we go to bed with hope, others with tears, but each day we wake up and try again...
Rhea with school just getting out, I sure can relate to that. Summer should be fun times. Some of the best times of MY life. From my World View. From my boy's World View it means more family time which is more stress for them.
Which means I'm tired. Which means I can totally relate to your last paragraph. Tomorrow is another new day.
I can so relate to this post. Our daughter is so anxious and skeptical about everything. It's that hypervigilance. If something doesn't go the way she expects it to she always jumps to the worst conclusion. She's obviously still very fearful.
And yes, some days we go to bed with tears, other times with laughs. You just never know what kind of a day you're going to have with trauma children. That's what's so hard for me, the unpredictability of everyday.
Great to connect with other parents whose children have a RAD diagnosis. I'm always thankful to read everyone's stories
Christine
http://findthesimplethings.blogspot.com
http://richesofsimplicity.blogspot.com
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