First, I'm sorry I'm not on here much lately. My internship has me really hopping. Plus we have been doing a little remodeling on the house AND it is high school swim season so I am always on the go.
We have had some pretty major stuff going on with Teddy. He is 17. The legal age in Nebraska is 19 but they can leave of their own will at 18 legally if they wish. He is a junior in high school. We have been working hard on a couple of things: What adult responsiblities go with adult privileges. And what adult/parent relationships look like.
Let me back up a little to say we were gone all day to a swim meet last weekend. He was schmoozing it up with everyone. Mr. Smiles and Sweetness. We had a man walk up and say the usual "You son is such a neat kid. He is always so friendly." The emotionally battered mom in me wants to say "OH YEAH. YOU SHOULD SEE HIM AT HOME." Remember to think with the logical mind and not the emotional heart in those moments. The way he was acting then is what we want to see more of not less of. So scolding and saying he is being manipulative serves no purpose. My husband did a great job of saying "Thanks. I appreciate hearing that."
But what all this meant was that after an entire day of hiding his fear he was exhausted when we got home and let it all out on me. The next couple of days were H-E- Double Hockey Sticks. I spent much time talking with Teddy who was acting more like Bear at this point. He ranted endlessly about how he could not wait to get away from us. When he grows up he will tell his children we are dead. If we make him do what he doesn't want he will tell people we hurt him and throw us in jail. We will never make him do anything he doesn't want to do. Yada yada yada."
Finally last night he calmed himself and apologized. Today he is back to his "new normal" and other than having a cold is great. Now realize that even though both my boys have some healing from RAD, they have triggers that send them off the deep end. Hopefully time and more work will make these fewer and further apart. Our goal is not to make them like everyone else, but to help them heal to the point of being able to love, hold down a job and care for themselves. That is a pretty lofty goal right there.
Healing is possible.
Never, never, never quit.