Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Moving and RAD

My husband accepted a job a couple of hours from here. We are moving at the end of the school year.  Interesting what these types of experiences tell you about your child's attachment.

Our daughters are gone from home but are sad to say goodbye to the home of their childhood. They are excited about what lies ahead for us, however.  Our boys each reacted completely different. Fish  is very sad but so supportive. He is the most amazing young man.  He said last night "When I was little I like to move but no any more." I just smiled and said "It is because now you are healthy." Taz is upset about leaving friends. He does not have many but the couple he has a very important to him. His comment. "I don't have any friends there." YEAH Taz. A sign of attachment.

I don't want my kids to be sad in life, but it is very appropriate at this point. I am sad too. I love my friends here and will find it hard to go. But I know this is the right thing for us at this time.  Teddy on the other hand is super excited. He is almost giddy with excitement. He is ready to help clean the house and get things ready so we can go. I'm sure moving bring back some comfortable feelings for him as he has moved so much. Who knows, it may be really good for him. 

My husband told the kids at dinner last night. I told them "I know it is hard to leave friends but we are taking the most important people with us and that is each other." I hope they feel that. I'm sure we will have some explosive days ahead but I think we may have some strong attaching opportunities too.

Have a healing day!


waldenbunch said...

Congrats on the new job. I hope the transition will be as smooth as possible. Hang on for the ride!

peggysue said...

Congratulations! IT is both sad and an exciting new adventure. Yay for the signs of attachment you see in the boys, that is wonderful and a true sign of hope.

Diana said...

Congrats on the new job! We did the fun moving thing last summer. SUCH a pain, but in the end, it turned out to be an extremely possitive thing for everyone, including our attachment challeneged kids. In fact, I think it was more beneficial for them than anyone. It was tough, and we had to do a lot of transition therapy work, but once we finally got our house sold, moved all the stuff to the new house and the kids realized that the only thing that really changed about our family was our address, they settled in and turn a huge corner in attachment. Hopefully the same holds true for you all.

Another really positive thing we did was got the house all ready to sell and then locked and left it. We kept all the furnishings there, but pretty much moved up to our new town. We very literally camped out with Daddy at his temporary apartment all summer long. We slept on air mattresses, we didn't hook up any non-essential utilities (including internet) and we only went back to the house often enough to mow the lawn, water the plants, etc. Not only did the house stay much cleaner that way, but the kids all did better with not keeping our family separated (which was our original plan.)

As one who's recently BTDT, if you're planning on selling your house as part of this move, and especially if you are in the same position that many of us are in which you have to sell your current house before you can buy another one, my best advise to you is do whatever you need to do to get it on the market ASAP and do whatever it takes to get it sold ASAP. If you happen to be fortunate enough to be able to sell it quickly, yeah for you. It's worth the risk to get it over and done with and either find a temporary rental until the end of the school year or just take the leap and move sooner than you initially thought you would.

In a nutshell, now that the kids know this move is coming, the sooner you can get it over and done with and get settled in your new life in your new town, the sooner your kids will settle down.

Here's a few bare minimum things that will help your place sell more quickly... Professionally clean all the carpets, repair any damaged walls or doors and put a fresh coat of neutral colored paint on any tired or brightly colored walls, get rid of all the clutter, pack up anything that isn't absolutely essential to family life (including excess furniture, large scale pieces, and/or furniture that is too big for the room) and put it in storage. And then, price your place to sell.

LemonyRenee' said...

Thankfully, we get to come along, too!

Take your vitamins and strap on your seatbelt, it may be a bumpy ride.

Brenda said...

Thanks all.

Diana, You may become my best friend over the comng months. Thanks for the great tips!

ali said...

sounds so exciting! im gald the kids are ok with it, so far. is he a computer guy? good luck with your move. will you rent at first or are you house hunting? enjoy it!

marythemom said...

My RAD kids are always wanting to move, especially when they are "less healed." That was how birthmom and foster care handled any issues. When they went to respite, psychiatric hospitalization or residential treatment, that's when I found how attached they were or weren't. My daughter was so homesick in residential that they couldn't tell if she was depressed or not.

All I can say is be sure they know they are going with you! (seems crazy, but sometimes it needs to be said!), and I would probably talk about everything that is going (pets, toys, furniture, stuff from their room...).

If possible I would have delayed telling them until not too long before the move. Otherwise the anticipation can cause major anxiety and acting out. We waited until one week before, to tell our daughter she was going back to public school, even though she wanted to do it! We knew the stress would be hard, and it was.

Mary in TX

Tami Boesiger said...

Coming from someone who lives in your town now, I gotta say bleh, I mean, congratulations and all that, but you will be missed.

Brenda said...

Tami, Thanks. I will miss you, Kevin and the kids too.

Marythemom~At their age, 15 and 17, they would have heard it from someone else soon. This is a small town. So we really had to tell them. Mine also used to say they wanted to move when they first got here. I think that lasted for a few years, actually.

truevyne said...

I moved at the end of October and it has been a wild rad ride!