In my side bar it describes Bear as our child that we are hoping will some day turn into a Teddy Bear. The day has come! I have almost given up hope so many times. No.....I have given up hope many times. After our incident last Friday night life has been different here. I feel I can honestly say he has taken that first huge step toward me. I had class last night and didn't get home until 11:40. All were sound asleep. This morning he came out of his room with a small picture of me he had drawn with the note "I love you mom" written on the side. He started to hug me and hesitated. Of course, I hugged him and said thank you.....I was stunned. He has done several things that stunned me over the last few days.
He has always kept sharp objects in his room. He makes them out of a variety of objects and hides them. I periodically do a search and just quietly throw them out. I feel unsafe with them in there. Back when he was in attachment therapy I took one of the objects once to discuss with our therapist. Bear stated that he has them to keep safe. He does not feel safe. He fears people coming into his room at night, robbers. So he makes the objects to protect himself. Because of his explosive temper I fear in a moment of rage they will be used on one of us. These weapons are very important to him though, in feeling safe and so he hides them.
A couple of nights ago he came upstairs and said "I need to show you something". He had a broken end of an old knife hidden in a coin purse. I told my husband it was so old and rusty it probably couldn't cut bread. He said "You didn't know I had this so I felt I should show you it and ask you if it is OK if I have it." THIS IS HUGE. I told him that I was glad he showed me it. I felt he was mature enough to decide what he wants to do with it himself. I felt with him taking this beg step of trust I could give him some trust back. It helped that it was not very sharp, to be honest.
Never, never, never quit. Having a child begin to heal from RAD at 17 is a tough road....it is possible.