Sunday, November 22, 2009


Having a special needs child is so tough on a marriage. Even a really strong one.

Triangulation: Kids with RAD will reject and defy mom while turning on the charm for dad and everyone else. Mom often looks inept, over involved or harsh. DADS! Do not let your child come between you and your wife. Let your child know that mom and dad are a team that cannot be divided. Dad believes mom's stories and is there for support and to take over regularly so mom can have time to herself.

Conversation: RAD, RAD,RAD, RAD. It can consume a mom. Don't let it consume conversations with your spouse. Talk about the children that are doing well, about common interests or hobbies. Talk about your future after kids.

Fun: Go out and have fun with your spouse without kids. Finding someone who can watch them is worth the difficulty. They may be upset by your going out but you have to do it.

Commitment: We are committed to our kids but first we are committed to each other. Make sure your spouse knows they come first in the family. We need to listen to each other. We need to care about each others feelings.

If all this means you need to get some marital counseling than go! If one of you needs counseling GO! Don't be afraid to ask for help. It is better than just letting things slide.

I'm so thankful for my husband. We have been through some tough times but they have made us stronger! They can do the same for you if you focus on each other and don't let things go.


peggysue said...

Yes, yes, yes! All of these things! Oh my, again, we have a child who is only seven and we're working on things but on the weekends we are in full 'ignore mom' mode, turn on the charm and sweetness for everyone else. I think more often on the weekends than any other time because dad is home then to try to charm. And I am fortunate in my husband because he sees it and does believe what I tell him, but we do talk too much RAD, RAD, RAD all the time.

Brenda said...

Peggy Sue,

It is easy to do when you are hurting. I say enjoy your weekends to the max and poor and the love and hugs while she is taking them!

marythemom said...

Good advice. We're having so much trouble trying not to let the kids completely drain us - leaving nothing for each other. It doesn't help that the economy is adding to our stress.

Mary in TX