Thursday, September 24, 2009


I just came from Taz's IEP. If your child is not involved is special education that is the Individual Education Plan. Kids in Special Ed have them once a year to evaluate how the child is progressing, discuss any changes that might need to be made and then make a plan for the year ahead. It is not a school year but a calendar year from the last IEP. Every three years they do all the testing and evaluating to see if there are any changes.

This is the first year that Reactive Attachment Disorder was not discussed in his IEP meeting. Not once. He has some behaviors, blurting out, rude remarks, not always doing homework. He has all Bs with one A. Is this the same kid???????? It was by far the most positive IEP we have ever had.

The reason I am telling you this is that a few years ago this is a child who spent most of his time in the self contained room because of his rages. They would have to put him in the time out room where he would scream and kick and have a fit. He would refuse to come inside the building if he went out. He would hide under tables. He would not sit down. He would do very little work. He was in physical fights with other kids.

Never lose hope of healing. Do I think we will never have any of the above problems again? No. That would be naive. The old fears creep back from time to time. But they are short lived and are fewer and further between. Healing is taking place in Taz's life every day and I pray you see it in your child too.

Remember: Empathy, loving eyes, gentle touch, sweet food to their lips from your hands, keep yourself calm (Allie I did not use the R word just for you) and keep the boundaries tight so they learn to feel safe and loved. Its tough work but you can do it and then they will too!

Have a healing day!


Brie said...

That is so wonderful. It must feel great to see how far you all have come. And even though, those behaviors will come up, it will be few and far between! Congrats on the amazing progress!

Mike and Gail said...

Can you email me.


Life's Mom said...

Wow this is timely encouragement. Life is not doing well in school at all this year. Behaviorally that is, ironically, her grades are good. The school just called again to let us know that she is in ISS (isolation) again today. She is doing exactly the behaviors you mentioned. The school is wanting to "resource" her - so she would not be mainstreamed anymore. I just wish we knew what was best for her in the long run. For whatever it is worth, she is doing well at home. There are definite signs of attachment going on. She just really hates school - and being made to do school work. Was Taz always mainstreamed, or was he ever in a small special ed class instead? Do you have any insight as to what is best?

Brenda said...

Brie~ Thanks so much. It is wonderful.

Mike and Gail~ I emailed you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.

Life's Mom~ I cannot tell you what to do but only tell you what we did. Taz started out in the regular class room. He was moved into the behavior disorder program but mainstreamed in second grade. He moved to the school that had more special ed behavior options in third grade. He ended up spending a few weeks mainly in the resource room and as his behaviors improved he was allowed more and more into the regular classroom. He did not like the resource room so really wanted out. The big changes really did not happen until we saw big changes through attachment therapy. I know you have seen some of those. Would the school be willing to work out a temporary selfcontained plan that she would be able to work toward getting back out of? Did that make sense?

BT said...

Congratulations! That is such fantastic news. I love hearing about successes, and it helps me keep my hope going! Is Taz to a stage where he won't be set back by hearing how proud you and the school are of him? I hope he is, because he really deserves to feel good about how hard he has worked in the healing process.

Christine said...

Mmmmmmmm. So beautiful.

I'm picturing you in that room, and hearing angels sing "Allelujah!" with giant rays of sunshine surrounding you. :)

Brenda said...

BT~ Yes. He now loves praise. It used to be met with anger. (driven by fear of letting me in). He will get a big ol' hug and during that big ol' hug I'll be feeding him a cookie! : )

Christine~ This is corny but what I hear is "WHAH" in a high pitched voice which is off some cartoon but I don't know what.

ali said...

lololol that R word....... thanks for the reminder, things are so good here right now too, he hugged and kissed me when i arrived home wed. night. he had confirmed my arrival date with dad 100 times, but he did meant alot and i have so much hope for the future! hurray for our kids!

Brenda said...

Oh Ali!!! I am so happy to hear how your son is doing. That just made my day!