Telling our kids about RAD and then talking about it is something to really mull over. They need to know where all that fear is coming from and why they have these big feelings. So going back and explaining the attachment cycle gives them head knowledge of what has happened. There are several things of which I think we should be careful.
1. Using RAD as an excuse or allowing them to use it as an excuse for hurtful behavior only deepens the belief they have that something is "wrong" with them. They need to know that while ,yes, this is what is driving the behavior it is something to work on changing.
2. They can heal. They need to hear it over and over.
3. They love as best as they can. We need to be careful not to tell our kids they do not love anyone. I believe they each love at the level they feel safe. It might not be much but it is the best they've got at the moment. So if they say "I love you" instead of allowing yourself to feel manipulated remember they love in an unhealthy way and it is better to assume they do mean it. Sometimes I say to them "I know you love me as best you can but your past has taught you something hurtful things about love. We are working on those."
4. They may see themselves as victims. Talk about how that may have been true in the past it is not any longer. Work on giving them situations where they can choose and have some control such as an activity, a meal and then give them as much opportunity as you can to make it happen. They can fill out the paperwork for an activity, look up the address in the phone book, etc. They really can make wise decisions and choices if we start very small. We need to tell them they can make wise choices often.
5. Realize that until they begin to heal that many of the symptoms we see: lying, lack of cause and effect thinking, nonsense chatter, etc. will not subside. We should carefully discipline for misbehavior in a loving manner. Failing to do so to me tells them we have given up.
And you know we never, never, never quit.