I remember the rages Taz had. I will never forget them. They would end with us both physically and emotionally exhausted, actually physically sweating. They kept escalating until they came to a point where I felt it was becoming an unhealthy way of releasing emotion for him and a way of ensuring physical contact. Don't get me wrong, in the beginning they were driven by fear of closeness. They were a way of letting out a lot of pent up rage and fear. Then they became a way of expressing emotion. One day as I looked at the bruises on my arms a friend asked me what triggered the rages. How did he look right before? I began to study his face. I watched what kinds of things set him off. A rage study so to speak. Then as I'd see that look I'd say "You are going to start screaming and yelling." He was so defiant that he'd clamp those lips and not do it just to prove me wrong. If one of the situations was going to happen that I knew would throw him into a rage I'd say "This is going to happen. If you need to you can scream, kick the walls and doors" He'd say he didn't need too. If none of this work I would cheer him on. I'd say "come on you can yell louder. Kick harder. Hit more". He would stop.
There was the day he would not stop kicking the wall. I started counting the kicks loudly. He stopped and said "What are you doing?" I told him I was counting the kicks. "Why?" Because dad and I had made a bet and whoever got the closest was going to get a latte. "Well I can make sure neither one of you win". Total silence. Later that night I said "I'll see you all later. I'm meeting a friend for a latte."
There is a time and place for everything. Rages are an unfortunate part of the process. If your child has them, please take extra tender care of yourself during this time. An hour or two to go to the library, get a cup of coffee or just go work out will do you wonders. Find your support. You need to talk about it. Be careful who you choose. Find people who will not tell you that they told you so or that will be shocked. Find people who will say they are there for you. They will listen and that they care. Find people who will pray for you and lift you up, not beat you further down.
(((((((((hugs))))))))))) to all.