Thursday, April 23, 2009

Hypocrisy in Parenting

I have felt like a hypocrite lately. Taz has had some major regressions going on. Whether it is RAD regressions or bipolar seems to be unclear even to the professionals. He is exhausting. Between his constant repetitive singing~ Currently it is "I like Big Butts". or walking around repeating "decapitation" over and over it is tiring. I say "you are safe" "you are loved" but do I actually demonstrate that I mean this? Some days it is a resounding NO. Nancy Thomas has a picture in When Love is Not Enough of haggard parents that has always tickled me. Can a child attach to a parent who is frazzled, who is saying one thing and demonstrating another. What I think I demonstrate when this is going on is that "I" don't feel safe. Sometimes we have to deal with our own stuff before we can really deal with theirs.

We all know what we need to do: Empathy, loving touch, structure in their days.......

When I am tired of it all I tend to hide out. I can hide out behind my computer, or errands or the TV. It is a way of not dealing. I do not consider these healthy ways of dealing with the stress as I do not feel better when they are done. Healthy ways of dealing with the stress for me are exercise, talking with a friend, prayer or Bible reading, going to an activity that is relaxing, dating my husband. So...... like we tell them it is all about choices.. What choices will the grown ups make today?

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hearing decapitation repeated over and over can be rather trying on the nerves. Have you tried teaching him a new word? Defenestration is a good one.

Brenda said...

I hadn't thought about steering him to a new word....good idea.

Ericka said...

guilty here......
thanks for the gentle reminder :)

Tami Boesiger said...

I tend to think healthy ways of dealing with stress are those which don't involved controlled substances! You're right, though. Thanks for opening my eyes.