I was a child in the 60s and a big fan of Bugs Bunny. So when I have a light bulb moment I literally see a light bulb lighting up above my head. Weird, but hey, I never claimed anything else. I had one of those moments last night. Taz and I went for a walk out in the country. Great for me in many ways, great for him for depression, ADHD; great for our relationship because it is a chance to talk while looking straight ahead in a non threatening environment. We are having trouble with someone taking money in our house. We have searched the house high and low with no signs of it. Someone has an excellent hiding spot with a big wad in it. More was taken on Tuesday. Taz is our lead suspect at this point with Bear a close second. He said while we were walking that he did not like being blamed for something he did not do. We get the same story from Bear.
Light bulb lights up!
I said "Taz, what if you truly did not do it. I knew you did not do it and I still blamed you, punished you, was angry with you and tried to make you miserable anyway?" He said that wouldn't be right and he would be mad........Do you see where I am going?
I said "Taz this is what has been going on for the last 10 years. You know I am not bmom. You know I have not left you -am not going to leave you. You punish me, are angry with me and try to make me miserable anyway." I saw an "ah ha" moment cross his face.
Now mind you this is a child who has gone through a LOT of work with his thinking process. RAD is more than just an understanding of separating bmom from new mom. The brain has been changed by trauma and we have worked long and hard on this. It is, however, a little cog on the wheel of his understanding. We had an excellent evening after this.
RAD is like an onion. Peel back the layers one at a time patiently. Some tears will be involved. It stinks...Wow it really is like an onion. Keep on peeling.