I will add material about the attachment seminar to the end of the post. It is important information and part of what brought us to this point. I can't tell you what a whirl wind of emotion I have been feeling since yesterday: excitement, relief, thankfulness. The one thing I do not really feel is fear. I believe it is because I saw this same process in Taz and I see it repeating itself in exactly the same way in Bear. So I know that once they take a couple of big steps in healing it is lasting and will even improve beyond this point. There will be regressions. Those are too be expected. Certain situations bring back up the fear. I hope this encourages those of you who are tired and battle worn. Never, never, never quit.
As you know children with RAD are stuck in a sea of grief and trauma. Living in fear and sadness. This is information from the Wesselmann/Bruckner Seminar on how the trauma plays out.
" A child enters the world ready to trust, love, and bond with his mother. When the bond is broken the cycle of trust is broken. The birth parent starts the cycle of mistrust and the present parent is at risk to fall into the same cycle. When the present parent intervenes to meet the need, the past trauma of not having needs met is triggered, creating overwhelming feelings of fear and anger. The need for control is based in the instinctual need to feel safe.
When a child has experienced recurrent trauma in the attachment relationships he lives in a world of mistrust and fear. In his attempts to survive and feel safe, he appears to reject love, yet he wants that love desperately. This confusion creates an environment of sadness and fear for all involved. Self hatred, self doubt shame, fear, anger, hurt, envy ALONE are words that describe the feelings of a child with RAD. The world becomes a dangerous place, love is to be feared, relationships mean abandonment, and feelings are to be avoided. Children's fears often become manifested in behaviors that are provoking and even frightening to caregivers and professionals alike."
I think the value in learning this material is that it helps us see the world through our child's eyes. It helps us to see their pain instead of the anger. Very important in parenting them. Have a healing day.