Thursday, November 13, 2008

Wonder


Do you ever wonder what it would have been like? What if I had given birth to this child and he had a healthy start? What if he had no feelings of abandonment, had not been hurt or neglected who would he be? I look at them and do. I wish I could go back in time and make it all different for them. I wish I could snuggle them as babies and feed them when they were hungry. I would teach them to laugh and enjoy. I wish I could take the fear and mistrust away. I wish they understood how much I love them. I wish they knew the lengths to which I have gone to help them be healthy.


But this is not how life was for them. Reality can be ugly. All I can do is hope that that sweet happy little boy is in there somewhere waiting to emerge. The butterfly from its cocoon.

5 comments:

FaerieMama said...

Great Post. I think about that ALL the time. Wish I didn't, but I do. I even fantasize sometimes that I am there when her birthmom gives birth, and she hands her to me, and I RUN with her, as fast as I can till we get safe at home. Is that weird or what?

Brenda said...

Not at all.

Torina said...

If only...but then, on the other hand, my kids wouldn't be who they are...and that is who I love. I think with Tara, I wonder more than the boys because she is so severely affected. If only I had a time machine...

Brenda said...

Then today of all days Bear got suspended from school for punching someone in the face. So much anger. So much fear. He is outside raking leaves.

Accidental Mommy said...

I wonder that all the time. If CPS had listened to me with the first child,if they had stopped it each year that I called, could they have been saved and different?