Do you ever wonder what it would have been like? What if I had given birth to this child and he had a healthy start? What if he had no feelings of abandonment, had not been hurt or neglected who would he be? I look at them and do. I wish I could go back in time and make it all different for them. I wish I could snuggle them as babies and feed them when they were hungry. I would teach them to laugh and enjoy. I wish I could take the fear and mistrust away. I wish they understood how much I love them. I wish they knew the lengths to which I have gone to help them be healthy.
But this is not how life was for them. Reality can be ugly. All I can do is hope that that sweet happy little boy is in there somewhere waiting to emerge. The butterfly from its cocoon.