Yesterday I received a call that Bear had been in a fight and punched someone in the face. He is suspended for 3 days. I decided to try and use the Love & Logic method and told him that if that was his choice that he was going to have to live with the consequences. Bummer. I emailed our attachment therapist who suggest maybe I should have him explain what happened, knowing it will be lies, and give empathy and understanding. After he is done sharing say something like "If I think that happened to me I think I would have gone for help. Do you think that would work?" On my way to grad school last night I received a phone call from the middle school Principal that Taz had been in a fight and punched someone in the face. What's the deal? I explained what happened with Bear and he said he would give Taz an in school suspension so I wouldn't have them both home at the same time. I love small town life. I also set it up so Bear can go rake the middle school Principal's lawn most of the day. Last night after getting home from school fairly late I saw Bear's light on. He fell asleep on the floor of his walk in closet. I sent him to bed and walked into the closet to see what he had been doing and found a lighter. He was too incoherent to talk so we will discuss it this morning. My boys seem to be in full fear mode.
P.S. I did have the more empathetic discussion with Bear this morning and it was much more productive. I could see him thinking. I had the same discussion with Taz and that went well. Empathy and understanding are such effective parenting/relationship builders. I realize that no method will probably make a difference in his anger management but it does work toward closeness between us; which will lead to the anger management, if that makes sense.
I've been tagged
Lisa tagged me. She said she thinks I have it all together so I am going to tell you about days I have NOT!
Here are the rules.1. Link to the person who tagged you and post the rules.2. Share seven random or weird facts about yourself.3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post with their links.4. Let each person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
1. I wish I could sing. When I hear songs on the radio I picture myself on stage performing them. In my day dreams I can sing REALLY REALLY well. I sing with the radio most of the time and if the radio is loud enough I sound great! : ) While working out and listening to my iPod I often picture myself doing Karaoke.
2. I think it would be the greatest vacation ever to throw all my stuff in the back of the car and just start driving. The direction I headed would depend on the time of the year. I'd just stop wherever I wanted and do whatever I wanted. It would be AWESOME.
3. My house is full of animals. They are all strays or from the animal shelter. I do have one cat that has started bullying the others though and really needs a home where he is the only animal. Know any one looking for a big orange neutered, de-clawed cat?
4. I grew up in Kansas City. I LOVE the big city. I like the busyness, all the people, the shopping, the restaurants. Small towns are an awesome place to raise a family though and I wouldn't exchange that for anything.
5. When I was little I wanted a horse more than anything. I would tell my parents if I couldn't have a horse I didn't want anything. I read horse books. I had posters all over my room of horses. Did I mention I grew up in Kansas City?
6. I am addicted to chocolate. I could eat chocolate all day for every meal. I eat it when I am happy, sad, stressed, angry or just because it is the most awesome food ever. That is why I need to lose 10 lb.
7. I did have something about loving the outdoors here but I am deleting and telling you about the most dastardly side of myself. I can be manipulative. Ask my husband. It is not a good trait. Because I am a "people watcher" I seem to know how to get people to do what I want. When I am in a situation where I feel people are trying to intimidate or talk down to me I start using a more expansive vocabulary and intimidate back. I sweet talk to get my way. I really am working not doing this as it is not a very honest way of dealing with people. It will be important as a counselor NOT to do this.
I am supposed to think of 7 people....I am instead going to say, if you want to do this leave your link in the comment box and we'll come read you!