Friday, November 14, 2008


Yesterday I received a call that Bear had been in a fight and punched someone in the face. He is suspended for 3 days. I decided to try and use the Love & Logic method and told him that if that was his choice that he was going to have to live with the consequences. Bummer. I emailed our attachment therapist who suggest maybe I should have him explain what happened, knowing it will be lies, and give empathy and understanding. After he is done sharing say something like "If I think that happened to me I think I would have gone for help. Do you think that would work?" On my way to grad school last night I received a phone call from the middle school Principal that Taz had been in a fight and punched someone in the face. What's the deal? I explained what happened with Bear and he said he would give Taz an in school suspension so I wouldn't have them both home at the same time. I love small town life. I also set it up so Bear can go rake the middle school Principal's lawn most of the day. Last night after getting home from school fairly late I saw Bear's light on. He fell asleep on the floor of his walk in closet. I sent him to bed and walked into the closet to see what he had been doing and found a lighter. He was too incoherent to talk so we will discuss it this morning. My boys seem to be in full fear mode.

P.S. I did have the more empathetic discussion with Bear this morning and it was much more productive. I could see him thinking. I had the same discussion with Taz and that went well. Empathy and understanding are such effective parenting/relationship builders. I realize that no method will probably make a difference in his anger management but it does work toward closeness between us; which will lead to the anger management, if that makes sense.

I've been tagged
Lisa tagged me. She said she thinks I have it all together so I am going to tell you about days I have NOT!
Here are the rules.1. Link to the person who tagged you and post the rules.2. Share seven random or weird facts about yourself.3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post with their links.4. Let each person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
1. I wish I could sing. When I hear songs on the radio I picture myself on stage performing them. In my day dreams I can sing REALLY REALLY well. I sing with the radio most of the time and if the radio is loud enough I sound great! : ) While working out and listening to my iPod I often picture myself doing Karaoke.
2. I think it would be the greatest vacation ever to throw all my stuff in the back of the car and just start driving. The direction I headed would depend on the time of the year. I'd just stop wherever I wanted and do whatever I wanted. It would be AWESOME.
3. My house is full of animals. They are all strays or from the animal shelter. I do have one cat that has started bullying the others though and really needs a home where he is the only animal. Know any one looking for a big orange neutered, de-clawed cat?
4. I grew up in Kansas City. I LOVE the big city. I like the busyness, all the people, the shopping, the restaurants. Small towns are an awesome place to raise a family though and I wouldn't exchange that for anything.
5. When I was little I wanted a horse more than anything. I would tell my parents if I couldn't have a horse I didn't want anything. I read horse books. I had posters all over my room of horses. Did I mention I grew up in Kansas City?
6. I am addicted to chocolate. I could eat chocolate all day for every meal. I eat it when I am happy, sad, stressed, angry or just because it is the most awesome food ever. That is why I need to lose 10 lb.
7. I did have something about loving the outdoors here but I am deleting and telling you about the most dastardly side of myself. I can be manipulative. Ask my husband. It is not a good trait. Because I am a "people watcher" I seem to know how to get people to do what I want. When I am in a situation where I feel people are trying to intimidate or talk down to me I start using a more expansive vocabulary and intimidate back. I sweet talk to get my way. I really am working not doing this as it is not a very honest way of dealing with people. It will be important as a counselor NOT to do this.

I am supposed to think of 7 people....I am instead going to say, if you want to do this leave your link in the comment box and we'll come read you!


Lisa said...

Brenda I've tagged you over at my blog.

Denise said...

It was great visiting with you yesterday. I am always so impressed how you handle these circumstances ~ it takes amazing strength and patience. Hang in there! ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

Brenda said...

It was great to see you too! We all do what we need to do, but thanks! : )

Lisa said...

Thanks Brenda! It's really stressful trying to put things out there. I, too, would LOVE to be able to sing. Dang it. Luckily J couldn't care less and she can't sing either so we sing really badly together. Once up at the lake (I thought I was alone since it was before "lake" season) I was busy spraying weeds with the MP3 blasting and I was really belting it out. All of a sudden I thought I felt someone watching me. I was right. I turned around and there were two very handsome fellows in a boat staring at me. I was mortified!

Brenda said...


I sing in the shower. One morning I took one quick because repair men were coming later. I got dressed and came out and they ahd come early and my boys had let them in. So not only had I been in the shower I was in there singing away!