I shared this quite some time ago but wanted to say something again. Partially to remind myself and partially in hopes it would help another mom out there in cyber land. Many months ago I came up with the list that helps me calm myself when I can't handle the whole parenting thing anymore.
1. Think logically. My husband is an accountant and probably the most logically thinking person I know. I am an emotional thinker. I think with my heart. Sometimes my children's words sear to the core of my heart. I tell myself to think like my husband. Think this through logically. It really helps me to look at it differently and plan what to do rather than react.
2. Don't take it personally. This is all going back to the feelings of abandonment from birth mom and the lack of trust resulting from that break. I represent her. I need to work on separating myself from her in his mind. "Bear, I am not ____. You are safe. I will never leave you."
3. Remember the scared little boy in the monster suit. When he is screaming and yelling and angry I look at this 5'7" teen and think of the tiny little boy inside. He wants his mommy and she left him. He is crying out in pain.
4. Ask myself "What is the fear?" What is it at that moment that he is really so afraid of? What is driving the behavior?
5. Remember to take care of myself. Have I been focusing on the healthy relationships? Have I had meaningful conversations with my husband? How much time am I spending focusing on RAD and Bear? He needs some but too much is not healthy.
I hope some of these things help you. I added our family photo at the top. I decided that it would make my blog more personal and more meaningful if you could tie faces to our nicknames. Have a healing day.