Monday, August 11, 2008

School starts this week.


Thanks to Rick at Organized Doodles for the above illustration. That's me in the picture. Bear and Dancer are in the background. : ) Not really.
I know some of you home school, some have kids in private and some in public school. I really respect your right to do what you believe is in the best interest for your child. Taz starts on Thursday. Bear and Fish start on Friday. Dancer leaves for college on Sunday. Eagle spent the summer in AR so she is already down there. The house will return to quiet. There will be time to do my own homework, run errands, clean house do laundry and HAVE TIME FOR MYSELF. I have massage scheduled for next Tuesday.
Bear is going out and putting in 3 more job applications today. He is it a point where we have had to make some difficult decisions. He knows exactly in his head what he needs to do to attach to me. He knows he needs to separate me from birth mom, stop blaming me for her actions and take some little steps to try and trust me. He says it is too hard and he is not ready yet. I tell him that is a dangerous statement. None of us knows how much time we have. He does know he has 3 years left until he graduates and then we expect him to try a community college, a trade school or get a job and an apartment. 3 years to a mom is a blink of an eye. 3 years to a teen is a long long time. So.....if after over a year of intensive attachment therapy and EMDR therapy he still refuses what do we do? We have decided to take the pressure off. We have backed off and said the decision is up to him. He is really waiting for us to fix it for him because he sees himself as incapable. We have to start preparing him to live as an adult. He needs to find a job. He has filled out many applications and had one interview. It may take a few interviews but even that is a learning experience. It may take a few jobs but it is once again a learning experience. He needs to learn how to balance a check book, pay bills, buy groceries. He has a lot to learn in the next 3 years.

10 comments:

Bren said...

You would think that because we home school I do not feel the enthusiasm you do, but that is not the case. I feel the same way. A RAD child thrives on a strict schedule and the new home school year has just that. It really makes things much easier around here. I am joining you in the march of the feather duster!!!

Rick said...

Thanks Brenda for the link and the attention you're giving me. You know I thrive on it.

Some day I must see a photo of your whole gang. It helps me to be able to think about them visually.

And Bren "The march of the feather duster!!!" Very funny.

Brenda said...

bren,

I like "the march of the feather duster as well".

Ricky,

Of course. We had a new family photo taken at the beginning of July. They are supposed to be ready tomorrow. Its kind of sad. With our girls growing up it is probably the last "family photo" of the 7 of us. I have not decided if I am going to post it. If I don't I'll email it to those of you I know and have email addresses for.

Simply Moms said...

We just went shopping for the last of our "school" supplies and things are gearing up over here. We don't officially begin until September 8th (co-op) but the kids and myself are already getting our feet wet w/lessons. Summer is fun....but so is Autumn.

Simply Moms said...

P.S. Enjoy that massage. I'm trying not to covet it :)

ali said...

i always wonder why moms so look forward to school starting. i never do. becasue with school beginning so does
1. homework & all that comes with that word.
2. the calls from the teachers/staff about his lack of effort, poor drive, inattention, lack of preparation for class, poor attitude, lack of good judgement, refusal to participate, shutdown mode, his "gang" mentality......
3. the meetings. the meetings THEY schedule with NO thought of what MY schedule might be like with 2 babies in the house.they just send me a note TELLING me when i am coming in!
4. the entire morning routine which i DESPISE most days(he also wants to dress like a gangster@@)
5. the way he treats me during the school year

Brenda said...

Ali,

Homework is my sons job. He may do it and get good grades or he may not do it and get poor grades. If the teacher asks me to make sure he does it I say "Bear do your homework." and walk away. I make sure he has the materials to do the work. I tell him if he chooses to repeat a grade I have no problem with that, if he chooses to be on the honor roll I have no problem with that. It is his job and I will not make him do it. If the teacher asks I say "I told him to do it but he refused." If a teacher calls or emails I let them know I am on their team. We can work together to figure out a way to motivate him. I am doing my best and if they come up with something that works let me know. If a meeting conflicts with my schedule they have to change it. In the morning I go in and say it is time to get up. He also uses an alarm. I say "such and such minutes until breakfast. When you are dressed you may come and eat." Then I fix breakfast which is usually eggs and toast. No sugar. I set it out on the counter. 5 minutes before time to leave I say "We leave in 5 minutes". Then we do and he can go with or without breakfast. Dresses or undressed. Makes no difference to me. He chooses dressed. If he doesn't have time to eat I let him grab a banana on the way out the door. He treats me cruddy all year round so there is no difference when school starts. He is an equal opportunity child : ) Oh and any clothes that look gang banger would be in the trash. I generally use a trash can at a gas station or such so they can't get it back out.

Renee said...

I agree - I'm looking forward to the start of our homeschool schedule too. I still am not quite ready, but once I am - it should be a fun year.

ali said...

you & i parent the same way brenda! its all about choices. because of HIV meds, he HAS to eat breakfast, but he will get on a control thing now & then and refuse. then he feels yucky and goes back to eating. i throw lots of clothes away too. he got on this "baggy sweat pants" t=routine-i pitched all of it. some of his clothes look gang banger because they are hand me downs from lou LOL but i try. he has this AWESOME Celtice team jersey that he now refuses to wear beacause some jerk at school told him it was too short and that you cant wear a team shirt with the name of a FORMER player on the back. i told him i will NEVER buy him a team jersey again if he doesnt wear it.. he said fine. whatever! LOL hes just so darn quirky and sooo into what everyone else thinks, yet goes to school with nappy afro smelling like PEE LOL
i give up!

Brenda said...

Ali,

If only what they do made some sort of sense it would be easier to figure out what to do. I just try (try) to remember it is all driven by fear and than sometimes it makes sense. The pee in the hair probably helps him feel safe because then people won't be too close. I understand about the clothes. Bear is really thin as you can see in the photo. So sometimes I buy him something and then get home and it looks gangster because it is too big or baggy. He HAS to wear a belt but doesn't like too.