Wednesday, July 2, 2008


Chris & Brenda Feb. 11, 1984

Our kids with RAD were taught an incorrect definition of love. Love hurts. We can show them by example what love really is. Take care of your relationship with your spouse. Our kids are watching. As my girls have become older, they remember very little of the profound things I thought I said. They remember what I did. Here are some things Chris and I do to take care of each other.

A quick phone call during the day.
A note.
Attend church together.
Pick one show to watch together without the kids each week. For us, it is Seinfeld.
Do a chore the other person normally does without being asked.
Back or foot rub.
Call and ask if there is anything that your spouse would like for you to do for them today.
Go for a walk.
Send a free e-card.
Pray together.
Have a devotional time together.
Drop off his favorite snack at his office.
Run out for ice cream, pop or coffee.
Buy him a card
Go to the dollar movies.
Meet for lunch during the day.
Rent a DVD to watch without kids. It does not have to involve The Wiggles or Scooby Doo.
Learn a new hobby neither one of you has tried. We play golf about once each spring and fall. We stink. We don't keep score. We pick up the ball and throw it out of hard places. We bring along a sack lunch and have a picnic.

Plan a date night and get a sitter. We have friends we trade with.
Leave the kids with friends or grandparents and go away for a night or weekend.
Get a massage at a spa together.
Surprise him with tickets to an event he enjoys that you normally don't go too. Chris enjoys hockey tickets. I don't but I remind myself it is for him.
My favorite marriage websites:
Marriage Seminar info:
Chris and I attended this seminar a couple of winters ago. It is not only a chance to get away and be alone. It gives you the opportunity and guidance to talk about things involving your marriage that you may have not thought about or are not sure how to discuss. It was amazing.
Taking care of your marriage unifies you in raising your children, gives each other support and is a good example to your children. Keep your spouse first above your kids.


Anonymous said...

What if your child with RAD puts herself as an equal with all adults and feels entitled to stay up with you when you want to watch a movie and sabatoges any special evening your husband and you try to have???

Sorry, I read this post after a very bad evening with our dd with RAD last night. My SIL is visiting and we were going to watch a movie after the kids went to bed. Problem is A didn't want to go to bed -- felt she should be able to stay up and watch the movie, even though none of her siblings were (she is NOT the oldest but the 2nd oldest in a bunch of kids all very close in age). She threatened to run away -- said she wouldn't be here in the morning, although she is. These types of episodes with her completely ruin our evening and leaves me exhausted.


Brenda said...


I am sorry your evening was ruined. I'd talk to her about it when she is calm. As far as at that moment goes first I would never tell her if I was going to watch a movie and do it after she goes to bed. If she did not go to bed last night I think she needs a nap today because you are tired from not getting the time you needed to refresh yourself so need it today. If she won't do that I'd drop her at respite for an hour. She needs to respect your right for private time. Her thinking she is equal is because she doesn't feel safe if she doesn't. That is fear.

Karen Deborah said...

great advice.

Brenda said...


I've been thinking about this. You might try planning some alone time for her and you . During that alone time talk about how important it is and how important with each family member is. Plan something after that for shortly after your time with hubby. Tell her you will be spending your time with her the next day only if she respects your time with others first. Maybe?

Scott W said...


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