Saturday, July 5, 2008


We are back from a 4th of July weekend with family. Bear was big on triangulation this weekend. He did his best to snuggle up to relatives, be cute and funny. When I explained privately to the relatives they were very supportive as always and replied they didn't know. I am so blessed to have my family and in laws who trust Chris and my own judgment. I know not all of you have that. It was still a pretty tough weekend for Bear. He obviously felt very anxious much of the time. He was very loud and awkward in front of the other teens. When with me he would walk up and announce that some adult relative had given him permission to do something. I would tell him that I am his mom and have the final say and would discuss which ever activity he wanted to do and let him know if he could. Holidays and change in routine are tough on our kids. I'm glad to be home.
Thanks to Rick at Organized Doodles for the above artwork. I would like to add a PS in answer to Rick's comment about it being no holiday. For those of us who live with children damaged by trauma it is all relative....because of good therapists I have found ways to care for myself in each situation. One afternoon Chris and I went on a walk down a country road. One afternoon I went and sat in the porch swing with my sil and chatted. While the kids and my husband went out in the boat I walked across the park. My bil burnt me a hot dog just the way I like it for supper without me even asking. Enjoying the little things is the key to having a holiday be a holiday when it might not be a holiday : )


Christine said...

Wow. We had the same holiday (throw in some rage for good measure).

Our 4th came on the heels of my husband being out of town for four days. My kids felt completely abandoned and terrified. It was so hard to witness and walk with them through it. Today they appear to feel much more safe, but they've had three really rough days. We're making a concerted effort to talk through even the tiniest of transitions for them.

Some days I handle it all really well. This week it has been more painful than normal. It's so hard to not be able to comfort them.

Rick said...

Brenda, Sounds like your holiday was no holiday.

Thanks for the link. The doodle looks good here.

Rick said...

Enjoyed your follow-up comment on my blog. You're funny. And your "p.s." was very good too. There is peace in the midst of life's storms.

We have a few foster parents in our church, and one little boy in particular fits well with the symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder you listed. The lady that keeps him is a saint. She's elderly and she has her hand full. I am proud of the way my church is loving and supportive to the little boy.

I must meet your family someday.

Brenda said...


We'd love to have you all come on out! There is peace in the storms. We have to savor it. As for the saint...a little heads up on that...most of us don't like to be called that. We're moms loving our kids the way we were meant too. Warriers maybe. Saints no.