Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Fake It Til You Make It

My child with RAD has completely shut down since we stopped attachment therapy. He will not let me back in. My first reaction to his anger is to shut down myself. To back away and be hurt. This will not help to feel safer or deal with what it is he so far will not put into words. I have found in the past it is easiest to start with something that doesn't require the loving eye contact such as a hug, a hand on the back or being gentle with my voice. If I can make my body do the right things sometimes the brain follows. Then the eyes will follow. It is difficult to love and not be loved back but that is exactly what we must do. Remember the trauma. Remember they are hurt. Keep on keeping on.


Karen Deborah said...

I'm sorry, you really struggled with the decision to take a break. This is a tremendous challenge, I know I don't get it. I feel for you, really I do.

Brenda said...

Karen Deborah,

But how sweet and very special that even though you don't fully understand you are here supporting me. I love that.

Anonymous said...


Could you touch more on the "Fake it til you make it?" My dh is struggling with this very thing -- I think as women we are better at this -- it's hard for men (or at least my man!) to express emotions, let alone "faking it" -- so when you have an out of control child with RAD screaming in your face, what does it look like practicallly to "fake it til you make it?" When that child has completely turned your family upside down, how do you fake the love and compassion and kindness when in actuality you are feeling real disdain toward that child? These are questions my hubby would love to have answered -- and maybe other fathers out there, too!

Thanks for your blog -- I really appreciate you!



Bren and Debi said...

I am so sorry. Though we are both in the same RAD boat, I am reminded everytime I read your blog that the differences in RAD behaviors are almost as diverse as different kinds of cancer. I am dealing with a little girl from as 4 to age 11 and you are dealing with almost men. Girls will share their feelings more readily. I wonder if maybe your son really needs the therapy in order to release his feelings. My daughter used her therapy sessions as opportunities to manipulate and triangulate, control, and push the envelope. It sounds like your son may have been using the therapy sessions for exactly what they are meant for. That is foreign to me, as it was not our experience. I am praying for you as you make these tough decisions.

Bren said...

That was me....sorry I was signed in on a different account!

Brenda said...


It's ok. I've figure out bren and debi is you. : ) I will have to think about what you said. That is a possibility. There were many times in therapy when he just agreed with what they said to get out of there. There were a few times he was very open and honest about his feelings.....good insight. Thanks.