Monday, April 21, 2008

Siblings with RAD


I am still waiting for permission on the other stories. I think I told you my youngest sons regression was stirred up mainly by jealousy over the time I was spending with our other son who has RAD. So on Friday I took youngest son to Starbucks and sat and played Chinese checkers. He loves their hot chocolate. We had a great time. OTHER son was enraged. He made me pay for spending this time with youngest son all weekend. Tonight is the older sons turn. I assume youngest son will be jealous and make me pay until his turn. Siblings with RAD are very difficult. It is generally considered by most professionals a mistake to put them in the same home. We did not know 2 of our sons had RAD when we adopted our 3 boys. They were a sibling group and came at once. They have a trauma bond. The thing they have most in common is trauma from their past. So they remind each other of the bad things. I keep them apart as much as possible. They are not allowed to play alone together. Not even eat alone together. I do believe they make it harder for each other to heal. Now that I see this pattern developing I will tell them "It is ****'s turn to have time with mom. I understand this is very difficult for you and makes you sad. So when we get home I want you to take it out on me and be angry about it. Then I will take you out for your turn in a couple of days." They will say "NO NO NO I don't do that." And it will probably stop. Make the defiance work for you. It will be interesting to see what happens between them when they are adults.

9 comments:

Denise said...

I still don't know how you do it! Two boys with RAD who play off each other constantly. My difficulty with one is sometimes more than I can bear - I don't think I could be as strong as you. Bless you for your wisdom and strength! I love the stories -we used one of them with Mackenzie during therapy and you're right, they do inspire a lot of conversation! It's great you put them out there for others to read.

Brenda said...

I do it one day at a time. Thanks Denise.

Renee said...

Seeing how my youngest is jealous of any attention I give anyone other than her, I can totally understand how the boys would be upset and fighting for your time.

Karen Deborah said...

how do they respond to God's love?

Brenda said...

Karen,

That is a hard question to answer. I need to think on it a bit.

Brenda said...

Karen,

I think my children's comprehension of God's love is directly in proportion of their understanding of my love. As they learn to trust and feel safe with me they become the same with God. Does that make sense?

Coffee Bean said...

You are amazing Brenda.

Brenda said...

Thanks so much Coffee Bean.

Karen Deborah said...

perfectly.