Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Fear and Anger
My boys are angry. Anger is a cover for fear or sadness. Getting to the the heart of the issue during an angry confrontation is key. Often when they come at me verbally almost demanding an exchange it only takes a few soft words, a touch or a gentle look to bring them back down. Sometimes it only escalates the behavior. The behavior is driven by fear or sadness. If you can get them to go to their rooms for a few minutes to cool down and then go in an very softly talk with them about the fear or sadness you can have a meaningful conversation. Remember the frightened little boy in the monster suit. Sometimes it is too hard to talk about and they will not allow themselves to admit the fear or sadness. It is during those times you reassure them you understand they are sad or afraid and when they are ready you will listen. They will say something mean, but just get up and walk away. The anger makes them feel strong. The fear and sadness makes them feel weak and vulnerable. Don't allow your emotions to take over in these times and take things personally or have hurt feelings. Be strong and use your logical mind to get you through. Pray and ask for help and wisdom. Seek counsel of professionals and other moms. You can do this.