Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Fear and Anger

My boys are angry. Anger is a cover for fear or sadness. Getting to the the heart of the issue during an angry confrontation is key. Often when they come at me verbally almost demanding an exchange it only takes a few soft words, a touch or a gentle look to bring them back down. Sometimes it only escalates the behavior. The behavior is driven by fear or sadness. If you can get them to go to their rooms for a few minutes to cool down and then go in an very softly talk with them about the fear or sadness you can have a meaningful conversation. Remember the frightened little boy in the monster suit. Sometimes it is too hard to talk about and they will not allow themselves to admit the fear or sadness. It is during those times you reassure them you understand they are sad or afraid and when they are ready you will listen. They will say something mean, but just get up and walk away. The anger makes them feel strong. The fear and sadness makes them feel weak and vulnerable. Don't allow your emotions to take over in these times and take things personally or have hurt feelings. Be strong and use your logical mind to get you through. Pray and ask for help and wisdom. Seek counsel of professionals and other moms. You can do this.

4 comments:

Karen Deborah said...

I don't know how you do this. And an animal rescue, and a blog, and a husband recovering *?* from sinus surgery, and OTHER kids, and your thinking of going back to school yourself? Do you have red and blue spandex in your closet? Do you have x-ray vision? Can you fly?
I thought so, just so we clear that up. I'm so impressed. If you don't have ulcers or colitis or Chrones disease, I am even MORE impressed. Talk about, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
If anybody ever needed a copy of Super Sheep.

Brenda said...

RFOLOL! The thought of me in red and blue spandex is not pretty. But thanks for the compliment. My hubby is much better thank you. He is very involved and supportive so it makes my life much easier. The college thing I am doing for me. Since the first 2 have gone off to college I realize how quickly the high school days go. My older boys will be sophmores next year. I will be done with school around the same time they are ready to leave the nest. Which will put my youngest at that time as a jr in high school. Amazing it is going so fast. So college is for my new life after kids. It will be my turn. : ) Oh and after bringing home 5 animals (2 dogs, 3 cats) I am done with animal rescue. They follow me around like a little parade all day.

Rachelle said...

I KNEW you were a super hero in disguise. To think you were living around us the whole time.

Tami Boesiger said...

Oh, Brenda, my prayers are with you. I pray God will strengthen your spirit and continue to give you wisdom and discernment. Well done, friend.