Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Inappropriately Demanding and Clingy

This is an odd one. I was just speaking of this with a friend last night. They constantly push us away. They are offensive in an effort to make us not want to be close. And yet if I drop him off at the pool and the life guard tells me every 5 minutes he asked her "When is my mom coming back? Where is my mom?" This was just last month and he knew I went to get my hair done. I was gone an hour. He is 15 years old. During church he periodically turns around to look at me and tries to force eye contact. Last night I went out to pull the Jimmy into the garage and they both started asking with panic in their voices "Where are you going? What are you doing?" It does not make sense and yet it really does. They do not want us to be emotionally close and yet they have such a fear of abandonment. No trust. So when they see me walk out the door it brings back all those feelings of fear. I generally just reassure and sometimes I say nothing. Either way the only way they will learn this mom always comes back is by watching me do so. So I carry on as usual and hope someday the trust will develop.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi, again (I hope this isn't getting annoying) I had been diagnosed with RAD and I just want to put in my opinion.

At least for me, I felt like a big loss occurred being abused. The pain was a big, big loss, with something good stolen from me. And I had this hope (maybe this is just me, maybe it doesn't apply to your kids)that something just as great would be restored to me, it just had to be, because I believed in a 'just world theory' according to all the movies I'd seen about vindication.
Anyway, maybe those times when they are seeming clingy and trying to make eyecontact at inappropriate times they are thinking, 'ok, now something grand will be restored to me because if she choses to idk, give me this moment by breaking social norms because of ME, on my behalf then something will be rightfully restored to me. Something taken away from way back when.'

But that's just what I would be thinking with my parents. And you know looking it over it sounds like something similar to a love starved person in a relationship. So anyway, again, maybe it's just me.