Wednesday, January 2, 2008


Children with RAD deal with a great deal of shame. I will just share bits of our own experience but here is an excellent article that goes into detail.

There is shame that your birth mother didn't love you enough to take care of you. There is the shame that you were moved from foster home to foster home, which in a child's mind is seen as repeated rejection. There is a shame in not being the same as all the other kids with a mom and dad they were born too and wanted them. There is shame that they find it so hard to love their current mom and feel so much anger towards her. They know it should be different but cannot easily change. This causes more shame. The list goes on and on. They have difficulty in school, socially, and emotionally. More shame. So what do we do? Keep telling them that we love them as they are, even if they never change one bit. Sure we don't like their actions and words, but we still love the person. Keep working on developing some hobby or interest in which they can excel. We are having a tough time with this one, but we keep trying. Eventually, he will learn to love, trust and feel safe and the shame veil will lift, until then we keep pressing onward.

1 comment:

Denise said...

So sad, but true. It's not always easy to smile and keep moving on when actions and behaviors get so out of control; but the reminder of what things are like for them and how much they have already struggled helps keep things in perspective on those tougher days. Thanks for sharing and reminding!