Balance. In our every day lives it is hard to maintain. In parenting a child with RAD it is downright tricky. Children with RAD need structure. They need to know at certain times certain things will happen. At the same time, not knowing what to expect can some times take them off guard and seriously throw off their feeling of control. They need to know mom is in charge and at the same time they need a mom who is soft and loving. Who wants to hug a mom who is stiff as a tree and meaner than a hornet? They have trouble with the soft and loving mom. It takes practice, trial and error and a serious check on emotions and taking things personally. It can be done and over time I think we all see that we improve. Some things do get better with age!! A balance between structure and control with loving and tenderness is a must.