Thursday, November 1, 2007

The Eyes Have It

Eye contact! I've heard it said the the eyes are the window to the soul. One of the symptoms of RAD is lack of eye contact on parents terms. That doesn't even mean "Look at me when I talk to you" necessarily. It is when you are trying to look lovingly at your child and they avoid that look at all cost. Another symptom is that they look you straight in the eye if they are lying. They also try to get you to make eye contact as a way of controlling or staring at you. So we do a lot of activities that involve eye contact. When they want to talk to me they have to come all the way to me and say "Mom" and wait until I make eye contact and then begin. No yelling from the other room. I look them in the eye when I tell them I love them and they can look back without flinching. If they come up to tell me something and I am busy, if I can, I stop what I am doing and look at them. I never realized before RAD became a part of our lives how much I do not look at people when I talk to them. I have made a much more conscious effort to stop what I am doing and give people my full attention. In many many ways I feel RAD has made me become a better person, friend, mother and wife. I have learned so many more ways to show and tell people I love them.


Renee said...

You know, I have always had an issue with my kids not looking at me when they talk or when I do. This explains a good part of it.

And you could never be a better friend than you already were/are.

Brenda said...

I sure wish I could reach you to give you a real hug. These cyber hugs stink ((((((((hugs)))))) Oh. And just a thought. If your kids do have RAD it is important now to force eye contact when you have anger in your eyes. Only when you feel strong enough to show love.

Tami Boesiger said...

I've always found eye contact interesting. Many people are uncomfortable with it. Our eyes reveal a lot about how we feel about others AND ourselves, don't they?

cindy51534 said...

it is hard to teach eye contact when so many people no longer take the time to look at you when you talk to them. it seems we talk AT people. trying to get a middle ground is very hard anymore.
teaching my children when i have important things i want to share with them i want them to be able to see in my eyes and know I AM NOT LIEING TO THEM. cuddle time is the next time it is really important they look in my eyes and I LOOK INTO THEIRS. lets me know also when what we are talking about might need to be explored more in therapy or the child is scared. hopefully i get to see my child is HEALING!! having my child hold my face and say they love me and look me in the eye was wonderful!! only happened 1 time but it was powerful!