Resilience

re·sil·ience

riˈzilyəns/

noun

noun: resilience; plural noun: resiliences

1. the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.
2. the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.

The above photo is a perfect example of resilience. In the flower pot above I planted herbs this year. I didn't take care of them so well and they died....Just a couple of weeks ago up sprouted the little impatien you see. I planted cheap impatiens plants from the grocery store, the summer before last....amazing. Some where in the soil was some bit of a root or seed laying their dormant for two years, and then when the plants all died, and no water was placed in the pot for a month...up sprouts the plant.

 

Some of our children are so resilient and others are deeply traumatized. Why this happens is complex and truly does it matter why? What matters is what do we do with our kiddos who are not resilient. Some of our children live their lives every day as though disaster is imminent and likely to come from one source...mom...

 

I love Dr Becker-Weidmann's formula for parenting. PLACE

Playfulness: Don't take our kids our life so serious. When things are tense find a way to lighten the moment. (NOT SARCASM)

Love: Loving eyes, loving hands, loving voice. Never give up. Never quit.

Attunement: talking through problems and allowing yourself to become in tune with what your child is saying....no matter how ridiculous follow the conversation. Be accepting as you move through the problem. (if you are uncomfortable with this, ask yourself how much good has come from trying to get them to admit they have done something)

Curious about this ridiculous story and about what might be, about what might be hard to say, about what has happened? (I'm wondering if I had broken the lamp if I might be afraid to say so)

Empathy: I get how you feel. I fee what you feel. I see the sadness/fear in your eyes. I know it is hard to talk about big feelings.

 

We all love having at least one person who really gets us. Who sits and listens. Be that person for your child....It is so hard raising our kids. heartbreaking, exhausting....there is hope.